Messy Potty Training

      I hate potty training.  We are on our third round of potty training and every experience has been torturous in different ways for each one of our girls.  All of our little ladies are extremely different.  Therefore each time we suddenly arrived at the potty training time frame it was new and different.  Instead of being able to use the same techniques that worked with the previous girls we were forced to relearn every time.  I have always felt like we are reinventing the wheel for each horrible potty training experience. This is the the last time and that is one thing that makes me happy. 

     Our first little lady was potty resistant which was told to us by our pediatrician.  She refused to have anything to do with the potty.  She didn't want to sit on it or look at or even talk about anything that had to do with the potty.  As a result when she was three and half our pediatrician informed us that we just needed to take away all the diapers to force her to start using the potty.  We  did as we were told and put her in big girl pants.  My strong willed little girl held her pee for 36 hours.  I remeber sobbing on the bathroom floor begging her to go potty.  I was saying "Just pee on the floor I don't care. You don't have to sit on the potty." I'm pretty sure at one point her grandma offered to buy her a pony if she actually went potty.  Incorrectly I thought the next one can't be worse than this.

     Our second little lady decided to start potty training on her own.  The bad news was my strong independent lady made this decision three days before we left on a two week vacation.  We were set to have one week to visit family and then go to Disney World the next week.  I tried to support her decision so part of our Magical Experience was touring all the bathrooms of Disney.  The day before we left we found out that we were unexpectedly pregnant with our third.  After an exhausting potty training experience while on vacation we then told her that she was going to be a big sister.  This sparked a potty regression that was followed by another potty regression nine months later when her sister was born.  I was pretty sure that it felt like had been potty training her for ten years. 

     Our last little lady has recently decided to potty train herself.  I mean this literally.  After our first two experiences I was dreading potty training again.  I was mentioning it occasionally and we were reading books about it every once in a while but for the most part I was putting off starting the process.  A few weeks ago my current three year old was mad at her six year old sister.  She took a cup that had been monogramed for her sister for Valentines day and pooped in it.  My husband and I were shocked.  We realized that she apparently had the skills to actually use the potty if she was able to poop in a cup with no mess.  That is very impressive.  Begrudgingly we switched her big panties with very low expectations.  Much to my surprise she has gone potty every time and actually does it without asking for us to help or anything.  It's been two weeks and things are going great. 

      Why am I telling you all these stories?  Mainly to explain that nothing about potty training makes sense. Potty training is crazy.  I read every article and book that I possibly could during our potty experiences.  At the end of the day each of our ladies had to decide to do it on their own.  I could not force anyone to physically go potty.  during the rough times I would hear my mom echoing in my ears "They will not be 16 and still wearing diapers."  Potty training is the just the beginning of a long journey with my girls were I need to encourage them to make the right decisions.  They are in charge of their choices and my job is love them no matter the choices they make.  This is the same for potty training or anything else that comes our way.  I will stand by my girls in the bathroom and in life.  Potty training is the worst but we will all survive ...hopefully.

Messy Squeezy

     We all have times that we need to refill.  Pretend you are a bucket, a cup, or a sponge whichever metaphor you chose that accurately describes parenting.  Whatever I am full of is always what spills out when I am put under pressure.  Parenting comes with a lot of pressure.  There is pressure from the school, my kids, my spouse, my boss, and tons of other people that I encounter on a daily basis.  Somedays I am super happy how I react under that pressure.  Somedays I am super disappointed by what has spilled out.  Unfortunately it spills out on all the people I love.

     There are two times of my day that are the most stressful with my three kids.  In the Mornings before my older girls get on the bus and also right after the girls get off the bus before dinner.  These are the times when my house is filled with the most chaos.  For those who don't have school aged children let me enlighten you about my mornings.  The alarm goes up and I barely have time to pee before the yelling starts. Do you want to pick out your clothes or do you want me to do it?  Did you brush your teeth?  Did you brush your hair?  Did you put your deodorant on?  These questions keep repeating until I am yelling like a crazy person.  When my kids are finally done with their normal getting ready tasks we move on to feeding them.  By this time my toddler has joined the mix and is yelling and screaming at me.  While she is demanding Pop Tarts and snuggles I am still trying to get my kids ready for school.  On a good day I will have time to at least get the coffee started before the girls get on the bus.  However, my first few sips of that precious nectar most often never occur until after the bus has pulled away.  In the last few moments of my hectic morning time I am yelling things like Socks! Shoes! Water Bottle! Mask! Computer! Homework! Coats! and a million other things.  It's exhausting and most mornings I lose my cool and spill my irritation all over my sweet girls.  My only redeeming factor is that I kiss them on the forehead and tell them I love them everyday before they step on the big yellow bus. 

       The same things happen when the bus returns home.  Everything is dropped in the entryway and I am bombarded with questions.  Where's my snack?  Can I have a drink?  When is Daddy coming home? Not soon enough is always the answer to the last one.  All this hustle and bussle is happening while I am trying to get dinner ready.  On the very good days I answer all their questions with a smile and hug.  These good days only happen if I was able to be refilled during the school hours.  However, if I have been drained during my day I easily snap at my girls.  I ask them to go away.  I tell them to give me a minute.  On these days it does not mean that I love them any less.  It just means that I did not have a chance to recharge.  It mean that I did not have a chance to relax.  It means that I did not have a chance to do anything cup filling for me.  I hate when I spill out my frustration on my girls but I am only human.

       There are a lot of things I can do to fill up.  Sometimes it is baking something I know my girls will love when they get home.  Sometimes it is finding a few minutes to work out.  Sometimes it is when I write this blog.  I have also found ways to recharge while doing my daily activities.  Putting on a sappy movie while folding laundry or listening to an inspirational podcast while doing the dishes has all been rewarding for me.  I have discovered that if I take the time to do these things in my busy life I am less likely to snap at my sweet girls.  In the mornings I can be more calm if I know that I'm going to get a few moments to sip hot coffee after my girls go off to learn.  I can keep my blood pressure low and look forward to my girls returning home if I have had time to recharge during the day.  Most days I'm not going to get that chance to refill.  Most days I'm going to snap at my ladies because they are all coming at me all at once.  Most days I'm going to go to bed disappointed in my actions.  I always tell my girls that tomorrow is an another day to make better choices.  If I can extend that grace to them I can definitely do it for myself too.  Tomorrow I will try to do better to refill my cup.