Friday, February 18, 2022

Messy Twin Day

     My girls love spirit dress up days for school.  As a mom I hate spirit dress up days for school.  We usually  try to make sure that they have their outfits picked out the night before but it still makes for a crazy morning.  We have been through every theme day you can imagine.  Grinch day, Favorite Team day, Rockstar day, Crazy Hat day, Crazy Sock day, Crazy Hair day, and every color day that you can imagine are just a few of the wild things we need to come up with for spirit weeks.  My mornings are already chaotic and adding a dress up day always boosts the level of chaos.  This week was "Kindness Week" at our elementary school.  However, on Twin Day there was not a lot of kindness that was being shown.

     My nine year old is super excited for any reason to dress up at school.  Twin day was on Wednesday this week.  On Tuesday I reminded her by saying "Make sure you ask someone to twin with you and decide what you are going to wear."  To my surprise when I got home from work on Tuesday night my third grader was still awake.  She saw me as I was checking in on her and instantly started sobbing.  Through her crying I was able to decipher that nobody wanted to be her twin at school.  I knew that wasn't the whole truth so I probed to get more of the story.  She had asked one of her good friends to be her twin and that friend was already twinning with another girl.  Her friend suggested that they be triplets.  The other girl, who does not like my daughter, assertively said no.  This exchange broke my sweet girls heart into a million pieces.  As a result she shut down and refused to ask anyone else to be her twin. 

     I know that in the grand scheme of things twin day is not the end of the world.  However, to my sweet little lady it was.  For my nine year old this encounter was worse than a massive car wreck.  She cried for about an hour and it broke my heart.  Not wanting her to cry herself to sleep alone I insisted she sleep in our bed.  Reassuring her that others would have been her twin if she would have asked did not help. Explaining when she feels like she doesn't belong she always belongs to us did not help.  Suggesting other options like dressing as her favorite tv character tomorrow didn't help.  She was hurting and couldn't hear any of it.  Additionally all of my suggestions were stupid because she is nine and I am her mother.  She was tired which amplified her emotions and I knew things would look different in the morning.  The next morning she decided to wear all black to school.  I thought maybe this is the beginning of her emo goth phase.  Then I wrote an email to the teacher to make her aware of the situation.  She handled it amazingly and I love that she is our teacher this year. 

     My girls are going to get left out that is part of life.  My girls are going to get their hearts broken.  My girls are going to have some crying days.  Even though I know this it doesn’t make it any easier when it happens.  When my girls are hurting I am hurting too.  I wish I could stop them from feeling all the hurt because that has been part of my job since they were born.  During that rough night I was telling my sobbing nine year old that this would make her stronger one day and she was screaming "I DON'T WANT TO BE STRONGER!"  I felt her pain and agreed that getting stronger is the worst.  

     Twin day is the worst.  Getting stronger is the worst.  Learning life lessons the hard way is the worst.  I wish I could learn these lessons for them and they didn't have to go through all the pain.  Unfortunately that is not how life works.  The good news is we have all been left out and then suddenly found our place where we belong.  We have all been rejected and then found acceptance with someone better.  We have all been outcasted and then found our favorite friend.   As their mother I will hug them, cry with them, and let them sleep in my bed so they don't feel alone.  The best I can do is let them know that they will never be alone since I am their Mom.  They will always belong to me whether they like it or not.  Hopefully someday they will appreciate that.  Until then I will just keep giving the stink eye to the girls that are mean to them.  Like a good mother should.

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