Messy Mom Brain

      Being a mom is unlike anything else.  It is one thing you will always have for your entire life.  Once you become a mother you will always be a mother.  We all had different things that we did before we were mothers.  Some of us were wives before we were mothers.  However, I know that all of those many hats pale in comparison to the job that is motherhood.  My brain changed the day that I became a mother.  My whole way of thinking and being was shifted when I was put in charge of a tiny human.  A baby that I loved more than I could ever imagine loving anyone.  A little girl whose whole survival relied on me.  A kid that I was charged with guiding through life.  This type of responsibility would be difficult for anyone’s brain.

     There is a show on Netflix called Babies.  It was released in 2020.  The whole show is centered around how babies' brains work during specific milestones.  Eating, Crawling, Speaking, and Sleep are just a few of the things that are studied.  The first episode of this series is called "Love".  This episode focused on the neurological bond between a newborn and the parents.  The aspect that shocked me the most about scanning the brains was what happened to the mom's brain.   When the dad's brain was scanned it went back to normal after about 6 months with a new baby.  When the mom's brain was scanned it never returned to normal.  Even 10 years later the part that was changed in a mother's brain was still changed after 10 years.  They were able to scientifically show what moms have known all along.  Our brains change forever after we have children and we never go back to normal. 

I'm not saying I was normal before I had kids but I know my brain was not broken.  The things that go through your brain as a mom are crazier than before I had kids.  Ideas that have never crossed my mind before are now consuming all my thoughts.  Every danger in the world is instantly filtered into my mom brain and comes out as anxiety or worry.  Suddenly seeing things in this world that could harm this sweet little baby that I am supposed to protect and keep safe.  It is an overwhelming feeling.  Even something mundane like driving a car over a bridge now seems dangerous.  What if I accidentally drive off the bridge and have to get my kids out of the car while it is sinking?  Logically I know that these thoughts are wild.  I know that accidentally driving off a bridge is something that is extremely unlikely.  I also know these wild scenarios did not enter into my brain before my babies were born.  As a result moms forget about dentist appointments but are very capable of remembering where our kids favorite stuffed animals are.

Whether kids came into our life biologically or by other means they all turn our brains to mush.  Their love is exhausting.  Their love is energy draining.  Their love is anxiety inducing.  It is no wonder I can barely remember how old I am most days or when was the last time I took a shower.  All my brain power is being used to care for this amazing tiny ladies.  Making sure that they are clean, fed, clothed, kind, smart, and happy takes every ounce of brain power that I can muster throughout the day.  Once my girls are finally in bed my brain turns off.  Sometimes it is only for an hour or sometimes it is four hours but regardless the time my brain needs to not work.  There is only a short amount of time everyday that my brain is all mine and I like to let it rest.  Despite my broken brain from all these crazy children I am also filled with so much love.  Their love is exhilarating.  Their love is joyful.  Their love is the most rewarding thing that has ever happened in my life.  If a mushy and broken brain is the price I have to pay for loving these girls I would do it a million times over.  I don't need to remember what I had for dinner as long as I remember to love my ladies.  If a fried brain is the price I have to pay to be a mother, it is totally worth it.