I used to think that "me time" when you had kids was selfish and stupid. Now I know that I was actually the stupid one. I used to put everyone and everything before me. That is totally what a mom was supposed to do. Right? In my mind when you become a mom that means that your body is not your own anymore. That means you mind is not your own anymore. That means that your time is not your own anymore. I am now working on reclaiming my mind, body, and time. The problem with this new reclaiming is that I have to let some things go in order to get more for me. There are not enough hours in the day for me to get everything done and still have time leftover to enjoy something. The key to everything is that I have to make a conscious decision to be ok letting those things go.
Having babies or breastfeeding has been the story of my life for the last nine years. That is almost a full decade of my body being used to keep tiny humans alive. After I finished breastfeeding my 2 year old I finally decided that I was going to start working out again. So this August I informed my husband that I was making an effort to get on the elliptical every day for 30 minutes a day. To some people 30 mins may not seem like a lot of time to carve out in a day. However, moms are abundantly aware that trying to step away from everything for 30 minutes is a monumental feat. I have to make sure that my toddler is set up with snacks, tablets, tv shows, has a fresh diaper, and inform her that I am heading to the basement. Even with all this preparation I still spend the majority of my workout time yelling "Come find me." or "What are you doing?". Most importantly I have to be ok with all the things that she is destroying upstairs for a full 30 minutes. All the dining room chairs are in the kitchen. My whole pantry has been emptied out and ransacked by a tiny terrorist. I am not ok with all these things because I am reclaiming my body for myself and I will fix the destruction later.
Since the moment that I found out I was pregnant my thoughts have been consumed by my little ladies. Don't misunderstand, my kids still occupy the majority of my thoughts but I am trying to be more deliberate in making more time for my own thoughts. This blog is a huge part of that situation. Analyzing my life with my girls and processing my thoughts through my writing has really helped me be a healthier person and a better mom. Navigating through my preteen's mind field, deciphering my Kindergartner's daily activities, and surviving my toddler's destruction take up the majority of my mind space. However, every once in a while I get to think about me and work on my tired Momma brain. Letting my brain rest for an hour while watching a cheesy movie or using my brain for something I want to do is becoming an important part of my day. It is refocusing on me, not all the time, but I'm trying to make it more of a priority.
For the last nine years my time has been consumed with things for others. Laundry, dishes, cleaning, cooking and kids are just a few of the things that have been taking up every hour of most of my days. I have now started making decisions to reclaim my time. I still do all those things and everything still needs to get done but the time frame has changed. My new cleaning schedule is not immediate. Sometimes I make the decision that I am going to take a bath and let the laundry pile up. Sometimes I make the decision to write some music and the dishes fill the sink for a day. Sometimes I make the decision to hang out with my mom friends and order pizza for dinner. I am ok with all these things getting a little behind so that this momma can get a little more time for me.
Being a mom is a juggling act and trying to carve out time for me means other things have to wait. I have newly decided to make the things I want a priority. Working out, writing, and vegging out are all things that I get to do for myself. I refuse to take time away from my girls so something else has to be released. Reclaiming all the things that I have loved forever is healthy for me and important for my girls to see. I want my ladies to know I am thriving and not just surviving. Sitting down at the piano instead of cleaning a bathroom is important for me. Working out instead of folding laundry is important for me. Writing my blog instead of washing dishes is important to me. All these changes are making me a better and healthier mom for my girls. Being the best mom for my girls and the best wife for my husband means being the best version of me. Sometimes that means things are dirty but this mom is happy. And in this house we are happy in our Mess.
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