Grandma's Eyes are not Messy

      If we all saw ourselves the way that our grandparent's see us the world would be a much better place. I was blessed to have two sets of extremely loving and involved grandparents during my whole childhood.  My first grandpa to pass away happened when I was a sophomore in high school.  My last grandparent to leave this earth occurred when I was in my 30s and that grandma spoiled my little girls until her last day.  I have said before that having more people to love my girls is always a good thing.  That is especially true with grandparents.  Most grandparents have an amazing ability to see their grandchildren as the most perfect people on this planet.  I know that is how my grandparents saw me and I know that is how my girls are perceived by their grandparents.  

     When my brother got married I was 22 years old.  I was in the wedding party with my sister who was 20.  My sister and I are both average sized women and average height.  At the time we were both about size 14 and I'm 5 foot 6 inches and my sister 5 foot 8 inches.  All the rest of the bridesmaids were amazonian goddesses.  We were standing next to women who were over six foot tall and size two models wearing the same dresses as us.  Most people would have said "Who are the two girls at the end that look like oompa-lumpas compared to all the rest?"  My grandpa had the opposite reaction.  He was an 85 year old man in wheelchair at the time of the nuptials.  During the service he leaned over to my mother with complete seriousness and said "I feel so sorry for the rest of those girls up there.  My granddaughters are so beautiful it making the rest of them look really bad."  This is the way I need to look into the mirror every time I get ready for my day.  If I can see myself through my grandpa's eyes I will never see any of my flaws. 

       My mother is obsessed with her granddaughters. She thinks that they are the smartest, funniest, kindest, prettiest, girls in the whole world.  All of this adoration comes with a lot of good things but also a lot of crazy.  This grandparent inflation of perception causes a lot of anxiety about her granddaughters.  She has been convinced since the time they popped out of the womb that everyone was trying to steal these beautiful babies.  EVERYONE!  She has been convinced that if anyone of my children are out of my slight for a second someone will be waiting to snatch them away forever.  I try to explain about giving them little glimpses of independence.  However, the thought of any independence for my girls scares the crap out of my mother.  I love that she loves them so fiercely and even my nine year old sometimes has to say "Gramie it's ok.  I'm going to be ok."  Knowing that someone has so much love for them is very comforting for all of my girls.  They are very confident that Grey Grey is always on the lookout for their safety .  I sometimes feel like both of my Grandmas are still watching me with the same intensity from above. 

     My grandma used to live about three hours away from me.  My mom and I used to drive up to have lunch with her once a week when my babies were small and before she passed away.  I still fondly remember my grandma literally pushing my mom out of the way to hug me first.  That is what grandparents do.  They love their grandkids more than anyone else in the world.  I am fine becoming a second class citizen to my parents so my girls can move up the ranks.  I am fine with all the extra toys, candy, and love that is given to my ladies.  I am fine with the additional questions about their well being because I know it is coming from a place of love.  The blessing of having involved grandparents in your life is beyond measure.  It might be a little more frustrating for the parents sometimes but at the end of the day the joy that my girls get from the process is worth it.  The grandparent relationship might be one of the shortest but it one of the most impactful because of the size of their love.     

Magic is Messy

      We do Santa, elves, fairies, unicorns, leprechauns, easter bunny, and everything else that could be considered magical.  I encourage all of my girls to believe in Magic.  Just because you can't see something doesn't mean it isn’t real.  Sometimes I get push back from other parents on this topic.  I often hear things like "Why are you lying to your children?" or "You should encourage your kids to live in real world not in a fantasyland."  That is exactly why we encourage magical thinking in this house.  The real the world is really harsh, hard, and unforgiving and I want to keep my kids out of that for as long as I can.  I want to show them as much as magic for as long as I can.  I want them to know that it is ok to believe in things you can't see and have hope.

     My oldest is nine years old and in third grade.  Everyday she is told by one of her classmates that Santa is not real.  However, despite the bombardment of this information she is standing firm in what she believes.  Every time another friend tells her, she comes home and says "Those people are so crazy that they think Santa isn't real."  Instead of the outside pressures making her doubt her own beliefs she becomes more resolute in them.  I am hoping that this confidence is something that she can carry with her through her whole life.  There are so many outside forces that will want to squash her dreams and bring her into depressing realities.  That confidence in hope that she is building now is going to serve her well as she gets older and the world tries to knock her on her butt.

     My girls love pretending to be everything.  Doctors, police officers. dancers, singers, etc if you name it  my kids most likely have played it.  Usually their imagination is sparked after something we've seen or read in a book.  Lately we have been watching a lot of Christmas movies.  Tis the Season.  We watched a movie recently called "A Boy Called Christmas."  It is a retelling of the Santa Story.  Ever since the movie stopped my two year old has been playing Santa.  She takes a leftover stocking, fills it with toys, and gives everyone in the family a toy.  Since she is a toddler she has repeated this activity about a million times.  Every day she toddles over with her sack of goodies and cheerfully says "Ho, Ho, Ho."  I usually giggle, take my toy with a smile, and patiently wait until another visit from the tiniest Santa.  I could stop my girls and tell them these are unrealistic goals.  I could tell them that an astronaut cowgirl is not a real profession.  However, I chose to encourage their magical pretend play and participate in all their dreams with them. 

      My six year old has always had her head in the clouds and I hope she keeps it there.  She believes in everything magical and she makes our world magical as a result of it.  When she asks us if unicorns are real I always answer with "I don't know.  I've never seen one but that doesn't mean it isn't real."  This lovely lady's magical glasses make our whole house magical too.  She sees magic in every person that she encounters on a daily basis.  Sometimes we are just sitting on the couch and she exclaims "Daddy you are the strongest guy in the world." or "Mommy you are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."  Occasionally these compliments come with strings attached and she is wanting something from us.  However, most often these outbursts are due to her magical outlook.  I hope her magical eyes never dim and that is able to see all the beauty this world has to offer.  Her beautiful hopeful perspective brings light and joy to everyone she meets and makes this world a better place

     I love that my house is filled with wonder.  I love that my girls don't have to see things to believe in them.  I love that our family encourages all kinds of imagination.  There are so many things that happen in this world that are unexplainable.  There are so many things in our lives that are serendipitous.  There are so many experiences that we have that seem supernatural.  Trying to find a logical explanation for everything would be a daunting tasks.  I like to believe in magic and I'm encouraging my girls to do the same.  Seeing the beauty and the magical things that happen to us on a daily basis makes my world a much better place.  Enjoy all the magical things that happen this Holiday Season and Merry Christmas. 

It's the Most Messy Time of the Year

      It's the most wonderful time of the....STOP HITTING YOUR SISTER OR I AM CALLING SANTA AND NOBODY IS GETTING PRESENTS!  In our house this is something that is happening everyday around this time of year.   I love Christmas time but sometimes the togetherness can be too much togetherness.  If my kids are together for too long there is always fighting.  During the holiday season I become part magic maker and part referee.  Between the shopping, wrapping, decorating, baking, and all the other Christmas tasks my kids are constantly fighting with each other.  I also have to add yelling, time outs, toys taking, grounding, and disciplining to my list of things to do during Christmas break.  

     I love having my girls home for three weeks during the winter break. When they are at school all day I don't always get to know what is going on.  Since I've been working this year I have missed out on a lot of night time dinner conversations.  I plan on using these whole three weeks to catch up on all their stories and school friends gossip.  Being involved in my girls lives is really important to me. I honestly do want to know everything that is happening in their lives.  To some people that may seem crazy but when my girls are away from me all I want to know is what they did all day.

     My girls have been playing so well together lately.  I am hoping and praying that this lovely closeness continues on through the next three weeks.  When you have more than one kid their play time is always like a ticking time bomb.  The whole situation can go from intense giggling and laughing to uncontrollable screaming and crying in a matter of seconds.  If I hear the sweetness of my girls chuckling upstairs over barbies or coloring I sometimes hold my breath and hope it lasts.  However, I'm fully prepared for the moment that it turns ugly.  Then I hear "Mom! She hit me."  or "Mom! She took my toy." and I grab my referee hat.  A lot of times I just yell back "Be Kind!" or "Be Nice to your Sister!"  Honestly they need to learn to work it out but as mom the fighting is hard to watch.

     Working it out is something that most adults don't even know how to do.  It is not something that is easily taught.  Siblings are wonderful on the job training for how to resolve disagreements.  Many times I pretend that I can't hear my girls when they are screaming because they need to learn to work it out.  Many times I leave the room when my girls are fake crying because they need to learn to work it out.  Many times I put on my headphones to drown out the fighting because they need to learn to work it out.  As a mom this goes against most of my natural impulses.  However, I know if my girls can learn to resolve disagreements with each other it will prepare them much better for arguments in the real world. 

     Togetherness causing fights is a fact of life.   People need to be with other people but sometimes those people get really irritating.  When it comes to family, especially if you have a big one, you have a lot more people that love you but also a lot more people to get on your nerves.  Siblings are the best ones that know what your buttons are and how to push them.  I tell my girls all the time "If you can learn to get along with your sisters then you can learn to get along with anyone."  Siblings might get on your nerves but they are also the first ones to be in your corner if anyone else is against you.  As a pack my girls are going to be a force to be reckoned with as long as they don't kill each other first.  Togetherness doesn't last for ever and what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.   

Kids Decorate Messy for Christmas

      My kids do all the Christmas decorating in our house.  Mom and dad are just their elves to help.  This tradition started last year.  During our very merry COVID Christmas I was zapped of all my energy.  I'm sure most you all felt the same way.  The emotional  toll of last year took a toll on me physical and I could not bring myself to do all that is required for Christmas decorating.  Bringing up the totes, unwrapping all the decorations, finding a place for everything, and all the rest of the things that go with making the house a winter a wonderland seemed completely overwhelming last year.  As a result of my exhaustion I crafted a plan to help.  My girls would be the ones to decorate for Christmas and I have to say this was one of the best ideas I've ever come up with.

     The tradition was such a success we decided to continue letting the girls decorate the whole house this year.  My husband brought up all the totes from the basement.  We opened up the Christmas boxes and the girls unwrapped everything and put it wherever they wanted it to go.  Things that were too high for them to reach were dictated to the two taller children, me and my husband, on where it should go.  My little independent women loved it.  They loved every moment of decorating their house for Christmas.  They loved every moment of hanging all the ornaments  on the tree.  They loved every moment of putting window clings onto every window in the house.  After seeing the joy in my girls faces the first time we let them decorate I knew I was going to let them do it every year after.

     We own a lot of super glue.  When kids are decorating your house for Christmas things are going to get broken.  Especially when those kids are nine, six, and two years old.  Broken Christmas decorations are part of the day and that is why we have super glue.  My mom has been getting me a nutcracker every year since my husband and I got engaged.  Those are really the only decorations that I put out.  However, even though I am more careful than the girls with decorations I still have a nutcracker that keeps losing an arm.  Everything can be fixed and even if it can't be fixed it is just a thing.  I do not own one thing in this house that is more important than my children’s happiness and that includes all my Christmas decorations.

     The happiness of my children brings me immense Christmas joy.  I honestly started this tradition out of what I thought was a huge failure as a mother.  Being completely worn down with no end on the horizon I was definitely in survival mode last year.  I could not have imagined how much I would love having my kids decorating for Christmas.  Watching my girls take out all the ornaments and play with them like they are toys is heart filling.  Watching my girls excitement when they see one of their faces on an ornament is a contagious passion,  Watching my girls marvel at all the beauty of the decorations is awe inspiring.  I love seeing Christmas through their eyes and letting them decorate just seems to start off the season right.

     My house does not look like an HGTV Christmas house.  My house will never be featured on a holiday magazine.  My house will never go viral on social media as "The Best Christmas Decor".  However, my house is decorated perfectly.  With this new freedom I can do Christmas stuff I love.  I can bake all the Christmas goodies, shop for all the Christmas presents, and sing all the Christmas songs as loud as I can.  My girls are constantly  playing with our decorations and moving things around on a daily basis.  Every time they find a new spot for something in the house their is a twinkle behind their eyes.  Someday I will decorate alone.  Someday things will stay in their places. Someday nothing will be broken.  Those are days I'm not looking forward too.  I will now let me girls decorate for as long as it is bringing them joy and I will cherish each moment of it.  Wishing you all a joy filled and stress free holiday season.

Messy Mom Me Time

     I used to think that "me time" when you had kids was selfish and stupid.  Now I know that I was actually the stupid one.  I used to put everyone and everything before me.  That is totally what a mom was supposed to do.  Right?  In my mind when you become a mom that means that your body is not your own anymore.  That means you mind is not your own anymore.  That means that your time is not your own anymore.  I am now working on reclaiming my mind, body, and time.  The problem with this new reclaiming is that I have to let some things go in order to get more for me.  There are not enough hours in the day for me to get everything done and still have time leftover to enjoy something.  The key to everything is that I have to make a conscious decision to be ok letting those things go.

     Having babies or breastfeeding  has been the story of my life for the last nine years.  That is almost a full decade of my body being used to keep tiny humans alive.  After I finished breastfeeding my 2 year old I finally decided that I was going to start working out again.  So this August I informed my husband that I was making an effort to get on the elliptical every day for 30 minutes a day.  To some people 30 mins may not seem like a lot of time to carve out in a day.  However, moms are abundantly aware that trying to step away from everything for 30 minutes is a monumental feat.  I have to make sure that my toddler is set up with snacks, tablets, tv shows, has a fresh diaper, and inform her that I am heading to the basement.  Even with all this preparation I still spend the majority of my workout time yelling "Come find me." or "What are you doing?".  Most importantly I have to be ok with all the things that she is destroying upstairs for a full 30 minutes.  All the dining room chairs are in the kitchen.  My whole pantry has been emptied out and ransacked by a tiny terrorist.  I am not ok with all these things because I am reclaiming my body for myself and I will fix the destruction later.

     Since the moment that I found out I was pregnant my thoughts have been consumed by my little ladies.  Don't misunderstand, my kids still occupy the majority of my thoughts but I am trying to be more deliberate in making more time for my own thoughts.  This blog is a huge part of that situation.  Analyzing my life with my girls and processing my thoughts through my writing has really helped me be a healthier person and a better mom.  Navigating through my preteen's mind field, deciphering my Kindergartner's daily activities, and surviving  my toddler's destruction take up the majority of my mind space.  However, every once in a while I get to think about me and work on my tired Momma brain.  Letting my brain rest for an hour while watching a cheesy movie or using my brain for something I want to do is becoming an important part of my day.  It is refocusing on me, not all the time, but I'm trying to make it more of a priority.

     For the last nine years my time has been consumed with things for others.  Laundry, dishes, cleaning, cooking and kids are just a few of the things that have been taking up every hour of most of my days.  I have now started making decisions to reclaim my time.  I still do all those things and everything still needs to get done but the time frame has changed.   My new cleaning schedule is not immediate.  Sometimes I make the decision that I am going to take a bath and let the laundry pile up.  Sometimes I make the decision to write some music and the dishes fill the sink for a day.  Sometimes I make the decision to hang out with my mom friends and order pizza for dinner.  I am ok with all these things getting a little behind so that this momma can get a little more time for me.  

     Being a mom is a juggling act and trying to carve out time for me means other things have to wait.  I have newly decided to make the things I want a priority.  Working out, writing, and vegging out are all things that I get to do for myself.  I refuse to take time away from my girls so something else has to be released.  Reclaiming all the things that I have loved forever is healthy for me and important for my girls to see.  I want my ladies to know I am thriving and not just surviving.  Sitting down at the piano instead of cleaning a bathroom is important for me.  Working out instead of folding laundry is important for me.  Writing my blog instead of washing dishes is important to me.  All these changes are making me a better and healthier mom for my girls.  Being the best mom for my girls and the best wife for my husband means being the best version of me.  Sometimes that means things are dirty but this mom is happy.  And in this house we are happy in our Mess.