My Messy Little Turkeys

     Gobble Gobble let's talk turkey.  I love turkey.  I love Thanksgiving.  I love any holiday that involves a massive amount of food and thankfulness.   I love cooking and eating turkey.  I have always felt that turkey was the original slow cooked meal before there were crock pots.  It takes some time to prepare the bird but once it is in the oven most of the work is done.  You can sit back and relax while the oven roasts the turkey to perfection with the occasional basting.  I like to think that I raise my kids the same way I roast a turkey.

     Preparing a turkey is a metaphor for raising children to me.  To get the turkey ready for the oven it takes a lot of work.  A turkey must be thawed for days before anything can be prepared.  A baby must be grown for months inside of a womb.  Whether you are waiting for your baby to grow or your turkey to thaw both require very little action except to wait.  When the day arrives and it is time for the turkey or baby to come out that is when the work starts.  Turkeys require a lot of preparation using a brine, seasoning the outside, or stuffing the inside.  The hardest part of cooking a turkey is getting it ready to actually cook.  Kids are the same way.  Babies and toddlers require a lot of preparation before becoming good human beings.  Keeping a baby alive with constant feedings, diaper changes, or forced naps is a lot of work.  Steering a toddler to become a good person is a full time job.  Time outs, rewards for good choices, and other disciplinary gymnastics are just a small part of the amount of work that goes into a toddler.  Before the turkey is oven ready all the prep must be completed.  Before the toddler is kindergarten ready all the prep must be completed.

     Once the turkey is in the oven the workload changes.  We have moved onto basting and general turkey maintenance while watching the turkey cook to perfection.  Once the kids are in elementary school the workload changes.  Daily mental check-ins are required to make sure that they are following all the rules set forth and baking into the perfect human versions of themselves.  If we forget to bast the turkey it will end up dry and tough.  If we forget to check in with our kids daily they end up sad and tough.  I want to make sure our girls know that we care a great deal about what happens to them everyday.  Keeping an eye on the turkey to make sure it doesn't overcook is super important.  Keeping an eye on our kids to make sure something is not overcooking them is also important.  I want to notice when something is upsetting my girls.  I want to notice when there is something important to my girls.  I want to notice when something is exciting to my girls.  The only way that I can notice all these things is to keep an eye on them while they are cooking.

     Finally the turkey is done cooking and ready for carving and eating.  Finally kids are done cooking and ready to go into the world to be carved and eaten.  In order to eat this delicious turkey you must cut into it so that it is no longer recognizable as a turkey.  By the time my girls are finished with school and ready to embark into the real world they will be totally different people.  They are still the same sweet little turkeys that I gave birth to all those years ago but they are now ready for whatever the world has to throw at them.  They are ready to be carved and eaten by this crazy world we live in and I can say with confidence our three girls are definitely going to going to cut back.  We are raising three strong independent women that are growing into amazing humans.  I can't wait to see how cool they are going to be as adults and all the things they are going to do.  I'm going to enjoy eating all the turkey while raising my own little turkeys.  I hope you all do the same.  Happy Thanksgiving.

Messy Metabolism

     My metabolism is not the same as it once was.  When I was younger I used to be able to stop eating cheese and I would lose ten pounds in one week.  In addition if I would stop eating condiments I would lose another five pounds.   However, after having three babies my metabolism has now stopped.  Currently I have to work out, eat right, and actually pay attention in order to maintain my weight or lose just a pound or two.  I don't know if this is from having kids or just getting older but either way things are no longer the same as they were.  To be honest not one thing in my life is the same as it used to be.  Learning to work with my new metabolism is just another adjustment of motherhood.  Luckily my children keep me on my toes so there is always extra exercise in my future.

     My 6 year old was diagnosed with an extremely high metabolism as a baby.  Most newborns are supposed to eat 2-3 ounces of formula every three hours.  My little redhead was getting 4 ounces of breastmilk and an extra 2 ounces of formula every hour starting at three weeks old.  The doctors did a whole bunch of tests and found out her metabolic rate was much higher than normal.  She was burning up everything that she ate at a much faster pace than most babies.  As a result she was always on the lowest side of the percentile charts and actually slipped off the charts when she was nine months old.  Our adventurous little lady started walking at eight months.  Therefore, with her new active lifestyle added to her high metabolism we never had a chance of her staying on the charts with her peers.  We also knew that she was perfect just the way she was. 

     By the time our middle kid was two were onto the Pediasure path.  Trying to get our extremely active toddler to drink Pediasure was a full time job.  We finally discovered that banana was the only one she would stomach without a fight.  Meanwhile she was eating like a 300lb man on a daily basis.  This tiny two year old that wasn't even 15lbs was able to eat a whole box of Kraft Mac and Cheese by herself.  Shrimp and steak were her two favorite things and we would feed her as much as our budget would allow.  Giving her extra bones to naw on during steak night was entertaining to watch.  Our tiny redhead would suck every ounce of meat off those steak bones like a hairy caveman.  Butter was another thing that she lived for.  She put butter on literally everything.  I am not saying a small smear of butter, she caked a giant glob of butter on everything.  We all sat astonished that this little lady was still in 18 month clothing at the age of three after eating all that food.

     My amazing girl is now 6 and her appetite has not slowed at all.  She will have a whole can of soup or a full ham sandwich when she gets home from school as a snack.  A whole rack of ribs or an entire steak can be consumed all by herself during a dinner.  The doctor is aware of our struggle for her to gain weight and we went to the doctor the other day for flu shots.  When my little redhead got on the scale she was 39.5 lbs.  We have been working to get her to 40lbs for over a year now.  The nurse said "Girl you need to eat more Halloween Candy and we will get you there."  It was really just the fact that she was so close to our next milestone.  I know the nurse didn't really want her to go home and eat a whole bunch of candy.  As long as she is growing, even though it is slow, it is at her own pace and that is all we care about.  

     My challenge to lose pounds is the same as my 6 year old's challenge to gain pounds.  No matter what your metabolism, the grass is not always greener.  We are all challenged by things in our lives and how we let those challenges affect us is what matters most.  I could get discouraged by the bigger challenge to lose weight.  However, I am constantly teaching all my girls to use their perseverance so I need to demonstrate by using mine too.  My 6 year old could get discouraged by the bigger challenge of her gaining weight.  However, we just keep packing extra sandwiches for school lunch and giving her broccoli cheese soup as a snack when she gets home from school.  Metabolism is a messy business but if I keep giving my 6 year old all my extra food I think it will all work out in the end. 

Messy Boxes

     Nobody likes to be put into boxes.  Nobody likes being labeled.  Nobody likes being stereotyped.  I am a very complicated person and I don't like being put into boxes.  I really don't think that anyone likes to be put into boxes.  We are all complex individuals and each one of us has a variety of different attributes. I am a stay at home mom but that doesn't mean my house is clean.  I am a woman but that doesn't mean I like high heels and sparkles.  I am a wife but that doesn't mean I can't have fun anymore.  People are more than surface deep and putting them into boxes does a disservice to everyone.  I refuse to fit any label that the world attempts to put on me and I encourage my girls to do the same.

     Recently we went clothes shopping with my nine year old daughter.  She loves playing video games.  That is her favorite activity.  By the end of the shopping trip she was visibly disappointed by the whole shopping process.  All of the items she was interested in were on the boys side.  Gamer shirts and all the other things that she was interested in were only available in the boy's section.  However, she refused to buy a "boy" shirt.  She was nervous that if she got a shirt out of the boy section there might be a boy at school that had the same shirt on one day.  The girls section was not working for her either.  Glitter, sparkles, unicorns, rainbows, and most things that are supposed to be girly are not appealing to her in any way.  I am growing to hate the fact that these things are still separated in our world.  Why is there a boys and girls section in clothes?  Why is there a boys and girls section in toys?  Why are we still dealing with all of these crazy boxes in the stores in the year 2021.  We are all aware by now that boys can like dolls and girls can like trucks.  Boys can wear a shirt with rainbows and girls can wear a shirt with a dinosaur.  These stores should just have a children's clothing section.  I have purchased men's clothes before but I am a 38 year old woman.  A nine year old preteen trying to learn to navigate socially has a lot more external pressures than I do.  My amazing girl already has more confidence than I ever did at her age.  However, when I see her stumble in her confidence because the world is trying to force her into a specific category it infuriates me.  I hate that the world has not caught up to the rest of us and how the box that they are putting my little girl in is now affecting her.

    We are all affected by the boxes that the world forces us into.  When people put me in the "Stay at home Mom" box they assume that my house will be clean.  They don't realize that there are a lot of things that go into my occupation.  My house is a mess because my life is a mess, in the best way, and I love it.  Life is very short and my life with my girls is even shorter.   If my toddler is crazy I will drop everything and go to the park or the library.  If my mom calls and wants to go to lunch I will drop everything and meet her in the afternoon.  If a friend is having a rough day I will drop everything and do whatever I can to help.  Being a SAHM doesn’t mean we actually stay home.  On the off chance that I am home I am always trying to catch up on laundry or other tasks that have gotten pushed to the wayside by more important things.  All those things of playing with my toddler, lunching with my mother, or hanging with a friend are way more important than a clean house.

     Some people fit into the boxes perfectly.  My six year old girl loves sparkles, unicorns, glitter, and all things that are "girl" approved.  However, for people like me and my nine year old we have to fight to stay out of the box.  Being forced into a category that you don't fit is frustrating.  Sometimes I feel the need to justify why my house is a mess.  Sometimes I feel the need to explain my experiences or reasons I don't fit their expectations.  Sometimes I feel the need to apologize for not fitting into someone's box.  I hate that.  I want my girls to feel free to live outside of all labels.  I want my girls to be their most REAL self unashamedly.  I want my girls to have the confidence to go against all norms.  Living out the boxes of the world is challenging but together we can navigate to our most authentic place.  Luckily for my nine year old she has a mom that will fight for her to live outside the boxes too.     

Messy is Fast

      November 5th is our tenth wedding anniversary.  It has been ten years of wedded bliss.  It has been ten years of growing our family exponentially.  It has been ten years of loving each other more ever day.  I always tell people it is staggering how fast your whole world and life can change.  One moment I was hanging out with my friends going to clubs with confidence that I was going to be single for a long time.  The next moment I am married with three kids and dog.  It really does happen that quickly.  Three months after the first time I saw this man's face I was engaged to be married to him for the rest of my life.  Now that I'm living my new life my old life seems like it was a million years ago.  However, it was really only ten years ago that I started my new life.

     On October 31, 2009 a girl dressed as Velma from Scooby Doo went to meet a boy dressed as a pirate at an Outback Steakhouse.  I met my husband online.  We talked online and on the phone for about a month before we decided to meet.  He had just moved into the area and was looking for a way to be more social.  I had just been laid off and was looking for a distraction.  Neither one of us were looking for love.  We had actually planned our first date for November 5th but when I was talking to him he didn't have any plans for Halloween.  The thought of him alone on Halloween made me feel bad since he was new to the area.   I invited him to go bar hopping with me and my friends at a local bar district.  The date wasn't anything special.  His main redeeming quality was his quick action during a bar fight.  Batman and a Purple Teletubby were fighting at one of the bars and Batman was thrown over a metal railing by the Teletubby.  My future husband threw me and three of my girlfriends behind him to protect us from the battle that was raging.  The nerdy Velma did not lose her glasses and could see the pirate's chivalry very clearly.  For those of you wondering, Batman lost the bar fight but apparently I won the pirate.

     Although the Halloween date was lackluster I had already committed to the date the next weekend.  Thinking to myself this would probably be the last time I would go out with this guy but I agreed to meet him at a local pub.  Little did I know that on November 5th my whole outlook on this man would totally change.  He pulled out all the stops.  I had once casually mentioned one time that I liked bison burgers. This wonderful man found one of the few places that served them.  He wanted me to show him the city so we walked and talked for hours.  It might not have been a scene from a romantic comedy but that is how my brain chooses to remember it and who am I to argue with that.  Three short months after the first time we met, we planned to go to dinner and movie.  By this time we were definitely inseparable.  We were in the car driving to dinner after the film and my boyfriend looked over and said "Would you marry me?"  Shocked at first I quickly answered "Yes!"  He then unromantically said "Wait but that doesn't count."  I said "No take backs."  My amazing love had a weird idea that his actual proposal needed to be better than that.  However, I know that the spontaneity of it made it the most perfect proposal.

     I have single friends that are always lamenting at how they will never be married or find someone.  I keep nicely reminding them how quickly things can change.  Twelve years ago I saw my husband's face for the first time ever.  Three month after that we were engaged.  A year and half after that we were married.  Then one short year later we had a baby on our first wedding anniversary.  Life changes in the blink of an eye.  Sometimes I still can't believe that I have three beautiful girls, an amazing Husky dog, and a wonderful husband.  Especially when I think about that only twelve short years ago I was hanging with my girls at the bars.  My life could not be more different than it used to be but it is also filled with more joy than I could ever imagine.  Happy Anniversary Babe!  Only 90 years left on your contract.