Scary and Messy

     

     Halloween is always messy with kids.  From my first Halloween as a mother I knew things were going to get crazy.  My little girl was only 6 days old and we bought the only outfit left which was a 6 month zebra costume that was way too big for her.  We laid her on our ottoman to take a quick picture and then gave out candy to all the little trick or treaters.  I could hear my husband whispering tips to our newborn as the parade of children came to our door.  "That bucket that kid has is too small for maximum candy intake."  "That costume that kid is wearing has too much drag and will slow you down.  You want the most efficient costume for movement."  Society looks down on a 30 year old trick or treater unless he has a kid in tow. 

     Fortunately for my husband his little girl is equally as passionate about Halloween.  Not only does she love the candy but she has always been obsessed with all things scary.  It might be because her birthday is only 6 days away from Halloween but whatever the reason we could always tell she was different from other kids in this regard.  When she was in 2 year old preschool they were allowed to wear their costumes to class.  All the little girls in the class were princesses or black cats except my awesome lady.  Turning three earlier that week she was insistent on being a scary witch.  Her favorite movie was Hocus Pocus at the time and we actually had to make a rule that she couldn't start watching it until October 1st to protect my sanity.  She even practiced her witch cackle for weeks before Halloween to make sure it sounded scary.  Little did we know this was only the beginning of her love of all things scary.

     When she turned four she found the movie Chucky on youtube.  This was shortly before my husband and I figured out how all the parental blocking stuff worked.  She usually just watched her tablet right next to us so it wasn't an issue.  However, this time I was cooking dinner while she was being electronically entertained.  I went over to check on her and noticed she was watching the horror movie Chucky which had scared the crap out of me when I was little.  I immediately took it away and said "You can't watch that.  It is way too scary."  She looked at me unfazed and said "Mom.  That was not even scary.  It was just a stupid doll."  I thought for sure she would have nightmares that night but she was totally fine.  Tough as nails and loves a good scare.   A similar situation occurred with my own mother when I was younger.   I love scary stuff too and I was really into Alfred Hitchcock.  My mom said I had to be 14 years old to watch the birds because it was way too scary for kids.  Weeks before my 15th birthday and Halloween was approaching I asked my mom if I could finally watch The Birds.  She reluctantly said "Yes.  But if you have nightmares tonight I don't want to hear about it."  My siblings and I gathered around the TV with so much anticipation. We then proceeded to laugh and giggle throughout the entire film.  At the end of the movie when they are throwing actual birds at Tippi Hedren's character we were crying because we were laughing so hard.  I can still hear my mom yelling in the background "Hey!  This is really scary."  

      I love scary things and my husband loves free candy.  With this winning combination our whole family loves Halloween.  Candy, witches, scary movies, zombies, costumes, and everything in between make October an amazing month of fun for our family.  This time is filled with every Halloween thing that you can think of such as haunted houses, pumpkin carving, costume picking out, scary movie watching, and anything else you can think of.  This year we have a roblox character, a unicorn Pegasus, a baby shark, a mommy shark, and a dad who loves free candy venturing out for Halloween night.  If you see this strange cast of characters don't be scared unless you enjoy that sort of thing.  Happy Halloween. 

Messy Routines

 

     I love a good routine as much as the next mom.  Having a schedule just makes everything seem to run easier until it doesn't.  Ever since I have had children the sense of a routine has been constantly evolving.  Whenever we seem to get some kind of routine going there is always something that throws a wrench in one of the cogs.  Having three children means that a lot of wrenches are being thrown at any one time.  Sickness, parties, activities, school projects, and homework are just a few wrenches that my husband and I are constantly dodging on a daily basis.  I becoming sure that this will be our normal routine for our whole life.   

     At the end of the summer I remember uttering the words "I'm so looking forward to getting back into a routine once school starts."  I also remember my husband laughing in my face at this absurd statement.  This year more than any other we haven't been able to get any kind of rhythm for longer than a two week stretch.  When school started this year we had two kids going off to school instead of one.  We jumped into our new normal and two weeks later I started a new job.  I was now working three nights a week and my husband and my girls had to navigate without me.  We settled into yet another new rhythm of having a working mom and then two weeks later we had break with labor day.  After the break we got back to another familiar schedule and then two weeks later our kindergartener was diagnosed with COVID.  After our quarantine and 10 days of E Learning we started to get back in the swing.  However as soon as we blinked Fall Break was upon us two weeks later.  This is only a two month snapshot of my ever changing scheduled life with children.

     These waves of change have been happening since our first baby popped out.  I remember I kept saying "It'll be nice when we can get her on a schedule."  However, everything was in constant flux.  Every time we feel like we figured something out she would drop a nap or start eating solids or start crawling.  Nothing is constant with kids which is the only constant things about all kids.   When our second little lady showed up I knew things were going to be even more off balanced. My expectations were totally correct. From the time my second child was 6 months old we were in the Emergency Room every two weeks until she was five years old because of breathing issues.  I knew that every time I felt like I had things under control something would happen to throw it out of control.   Everything is ever evolving when kids are in our lives.  As a mom of three I have gotten very good at adapting but I am not good at finding a solid routine. 

     Routines are really just guidelines when you have children.  Schedules are really just suggestions when kids are involved.  Programming each day is impossible as long as my little ladies are in my life.  Often the changes to our routines are good things.  Sometimes a friend calls and you drop everything to go to lunch.  Sometimes your kids are crazy and stop everything to take them for a much needed park break.  Sometimes it is mentally healthy to stop everything and just have a "do nothing" day.  A halt in the schedule is sometimes a much needed blessing that we didn't know we needed.  Whatever the reason for the disruption of our schedules you can rest in the assurance that everything will constantly be changing.  Because life always likes to keep us on our toes.     

Sorry is Messy

     

     I'm sorry.  These are sometimes the hardest words to say.  Especially for my strong independent girls.  However, saying those few words can be very impactful and super important.  Being a Mom means leading by example.  Therefore the first person in this house to say "I'm Sorry." should always be me.  Sometimes I make a mistake and need to say "I'm sorry and I will try to do better next time."  Sometimes I bump into someone and need to say "I'm sorry are you ok?".  Sometimes I don't know the answer to a question and need to say "I'm sorry I don't know let me find out."  Telling people you are sorry is not a sign of weakness, it is a demonstration of strength.  Since I am raising three super strong girls I need to make sure they are strong enough to say sorry.

      I am a super mom that is still completely human.  Everyday I make thousands of mistakes.  Everyday millions of things that need to get done fall through the cracks of my crazy life.  Everyday I make an effort to apologize if something has gone awry.  In the morning I make breakfast for everyone.  I am usually able to get everyone fed even before my coffee is done being percolated.  To non mothers this probably doesn't sound like a lot of work.  However, I can assure you that toasting pop tarts, smearing bagels, and frying eggs while a toddler is hanging on your leg and a 6 year old is crying requires a lot of energy.  One morning I finished my breakfast tasks and sat on the couch to get some work done.  About an hour later my 6 year old told me she was hungry.  I said "Did you finish your pancakes?" and she said "I didn't get any pancakes."  I glanced over at the microwave and saw "END" flashing in place where the time is normally.  I had cooked her pancakes and never given them to her.  We both laughed and I said "I'm so sorry sweetheart let me get those for you now."  It was a silly mistake, nobody died, and it only took a second to show my girl that I was sorry I forgot to feed her.

     Having three girls comes with extra emotions.  Most of the time I have three people yelling at me about three different things at the same time.  I am extremely human and often snap back at all the emotions.  Mostly my 8 year old is outwardly affected by these snaps because she is starting to go through puberty.  After my overreaction I give her a hug and tell her I am sorry for yelling at her.  While still hugging her I explain that there is no excuse for my yelling.  Clarifying for my preteen the overwhelming things that were happening and the reason that I yelled are all part of my atonement.  I always promise to try and do better in the future and explain how she can help me by not yelling at me while her sisters are also yelling at me.  We are all navigating this life together and we have to work together as a family.  That also means acknowledging when you are wrong and apologizing for indiscretions.  If I dug in my heels and told my daughters that they were the reason I was yelling would not be constructive.

      When I say "I'm Sorry." to my girls for not knowing the answer I love it.  I am not literally apologizing for not knowing everything.  That would be ridiculous.  I am sorry that I can't give them the answers they are looking for.  This turn of events always makes me super excited.  Finding the opportunity to learn new things is always thrilling.  Teaching my brilliant girls to find the answers for themselves is even more rewarding.  Someday they will be telling me all the answers instead of the other way around. 

     I'm sorry are some of the strongest words that we can say as mothers.  I'm sorry are some of the most important words we can say as mothers.  I'm sorry are some of the wisest words that we can say as mothers.  The only way that I can teach my girls to apologize is if I am also willing to say "I'm Sorry."  Most of the time our littles are learning from our example.  Showing my girls that I make mistakes, owning those mistakes, apologizing for those mistakes, and always trying to do better next time is part of my daily life.  I will keep telling my girls I'm sorry for all my mistakes and keep learning from those mistakes.  Now if I could only get my girls to apologize to each other as easily.         

Messy Timing

      It's not your time yet.  This is the best advice that I have ever received from a mom friend of mine.  It's not your time yet.  It is the best advice because it doesn't mean the things I wish I could be doing are never going to happen. It means right now there are some things that I need to be patient about.  It means it is not my time yet!  Now I use this advice in a million different situations.  Those words echo through my ears while I'm raising kids.  Those words echo through my ears while I'm struggling to find alone time.  Those words echo through my ears while I'm trying to carve out time with my husband.  All these balls that I am constantly juggling in my brain get put into their right place with those few special words "It's not your time yet."

     The story of how these words came into my life is probably a familiar one to most moms.  I had just dropped by oldest off at her 3 year old preschool.  I decided to kill time by walking around Target with my newly turned one year old.  That day I was feeling particularly low because none of my clothes were fitting right.  My current body shape was the dreaded in-between size.  I had lost enough baby weight that my fat clothes didn't fit anymore but not enough that my old clothes were fitting yet.  Hopelessly searching the rakes and emerging from the dressing room totally defeated I saw one of my friends.  She was in total workout mode and looked amazing after coming straight from the gym.  I said "Oh my goodness you look so good!  I wish I could go to the gym."  This amazing women looked me right in the eye and said "I'm going to tell you the same thing that someone told me when I was in your stage...It's not your time yet."  Stunned and totally sleep deprived I said "What?"  She explained "My last little guy just started kindergarten this year.  Which means I finally have time to go to the gym.  You have two littles that are literally relying on you for everything.  It is not your time to go to the gym.  It is your time to soak up all the love from your littles."  

    Understand that these words hit me like a ton of bricks.  I almost started awkwardly sobbing right there in the middle of Target all while trying to stop my one year old from crying.  Hazily I checked out of the store finding no outfits that fit my new shape and headed to my car with my super fussy baby.  Driving back to preschool I could hear the words echoing in my brain.  It's not my time yet.  I could hear the thoughts forming.  It's not my time yet.  I could hear my extremely needy baby finally snoring in the back seat.  It's not my time yet.  By the time I reached the preschool I felt a a million times lighter.  She was totally right it wasn't my time yet.  Trying to squeeze one more thing into my already exhausting day with my two demanding toddlers was a ridiculous expectation.  Allowing for myself to be ok with that was a huge relief. 

     Since that fateful day in the woman's clothing section of Target, I have tried to refocus my thinking.  Every time a tiny voice creeps in my brain and says "You should be doing this."  I yell "IT'S NOT MY TIME YET!"  Every time I see someone that says "You should be doing this."  I yell "IT'S NOT MY TIME YET!"  Every time the world says "You should be doing this."  I yell "IT'S NOT MY TIME YET!"  It has definitely become my mommy mantra.  I love these words to calm all of my fears of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out).  I love all these words because they cause me to be happy with what is currently happening.  These wonderful words help me find joy in my present situation  and allow me to live in the moment with all my beautiful girls.  Passing these words onto my girls will hopefully help them travel through life with more confidence that they are always in the right spot even if it doesn't feel that way.  Whenever you’re  feeling down make sure you tell your beautiful mom selves "It's not your time yet."  

Messy First Year

    

     Last week I posted my 52nd blog post.  Every week for the last year I have craved out time to write down something to make a blog post.  I never thought I would make it for a whole year and the support I have received has exceeded all my wildest expectations.   So many wonderful new people have entered my life through this experience and we have developed so many wonderful new connections.  During 2020 I was feeling extremely isolated from all of the usual mom groups.  I only had one mom that  I was able to have isolated play dates together.  I had lost all my resources as a mom of three crazy girls.  I decided to start blogging to help myself appreciate all the mess that my girls create in my life.  On this journey I discovered that I am not the only Messy Mom.

     Social Media is a crazy world.  Until I started my blog I resisted everything that came with social media.  The only thing I had was facebook which was solely used to show my aunts cute pictures of my girls because they live away from us.  Once I decided to start my blog I knew I was going to have to break into the big scary world of social media.  Quickly I found that there were so many people, especially parents, that were willing to help me.  Rather than feeling that it was a cut throat world, it turned out to be an amazing world of solidarity for moms and parents alike.  Mom groups on Instagram immediately started supporting me in all my endeavors.  They all started sharing my stuff and showing fellowship that we were all going through the same experiences.  The parent humor on Twitter is out of this world.  They have taken me in and given my platform so much more visibility.  Facebook has allowed for so many more eyes to come into contact with my mommy musings.  It has been a wild ride but I feel so much love and validation from the people that I know support me and who I have never even met in person.  

     Messy is part of my world.  After connecting with all these wonderful new people I have come to realize that Messiness is part of everyone's world.  I love that I am able to build a community where we all feel safe to be our authentic selves.  Every week I encourage people to show their mess with #RealMessyMom .  Every week I am proud of all the parents that are embracing their mess and loving it.  Every week I am blown away by the authenticity that these awesome people share.  Loving that life is messy was one of my main goals of this blog.  I can now see that I am not the only person with that goal and I support everyone who is working toward the same end.  It takes a village to survive raising children and I have discovered that sometimes that village can be virtual too.  

     Thank you to everyone that has ever read even one word that I have written.  Thank you to everyone that has ever shared or liked any of my posts.  Thank you to everyone that has followed on any of my platforms.  I sincerely cannot express how much I am blown away by all of you on a daily basis.  Seeing us all share this journey that we are on together is a beautiful thing.  I promise that I will keep showing you my REAL mess and I look forward to seeing all of yours too.  I promise that I will keep sharing my frustrations with my children and I will find solidarity in yours too.  I promise that I will keep trying everyday to be a better human and mom and I can't wait to see your wins too.  Thank you all for a wonderful first year and keeping reading for the second.  It is only going to get REAL Messier from here.