Messy COVID Postive

     

     Our family has had a wild ride recently.  We were told that my kindergartener had "close contact" with a student that had tested positive for COVID.  According to their records she had contact with the student on Tuesday before we were notified on Monday.  My little lady had not shown any symptoms and since it had almost been a full week since her last contact with the infected student I was confident she did not have COVID.  We got her tested a few hours after she left school because as soon as she got a negative test she was allowed to go back.  She had a field trip on Wednesday so we were hoping she wouldn't have to miss it after we got the negative test back.  On Wednesday morning I opened my email hoping to find the negative test so I could put my 6 year old on the bus to school for her field trip.  The results came back positive for COVID.  You could have knocked me over with a feather.

     My brain was not prepared for this information.  Our adorable curly redheaded girl had literally no symptoms.  The fact that she was positive for COVID was totally mind boggling.  Everyone that I knew who had COVID had a lot of symptoms.  We proceeded to do a crazy scramble like you would after you found out your child has COVID.  We called the school and told her that she had COVID, they were as shocked as were.  Especially her teacher who was also scrambling to get all her work together for two weeks.  We pulled her sister out of her third grade class whose teacher was also scrambling to get all of her assignments for two weeks.  We scrambled to get testing appointments for the rest of the family because none of us had any symptoms either.  I scrambled to reschedule voice lessons and my husband to set up his work from home station then we hunkered down quarantine.

      E learning with a kindergartner who has only been going to school full time for about month is horrible.  We had to log onto her class everyday at 9:30 am.  I would mute her microphone and then spend the next thirty minutes yelling at her to pay attention.  Occasionally she would unmute her microphone and I am positive her teacher would hear me reprimanding my rambunctious redhead.  At the end of our torturous half hour we would be informed of 3-5 papers that needed to be completed that day.  I would then spend the rest of the day telling her "Keep going.  You're doing great."  or. "You’re almost done.  Just a few more assignments."  Meanwhile my third grader was locked in a room on a computer with her teacher for most of day.  The only difficulty I had with my 8 year old was trying to keep my toddler aways from her so she could complete her work.

     I do not say this lightly but I am confident I have some leftover anxieties from the E Learning experience of 2020.  As soon as I picked up all the school work for my two girls I started to get sweaty.  As soon as I opened up the first google classroom I felt all my muscles tighten.  As soon as I heard crying because we couldn't find a red colored pencil I almost started crying too.  Today I put both children on the bus for the first time in 11 days.  As I watched my big girls climb the bus stairs I literally felt 100 pounds lighter.  A seventy pound third grader and a thirty pound kindergartner were finally gone for the day.  COVID is a crazy thing.  The rest us have been consistently negative and my little 6 year old never developed any symptoms.  These last two weeks have been challenging to say the least.  However, as I say all the time, as a family we can always get through anything.   

Perfection is Messy

     I expect perfection from my girls.  That sounds crazy I know.  This does not mean I expect perfect grades.  This does not mean I expect perfect behavior.  This does not mean I expect perfect athletic skills.  I am striving to be a perfect me and that is what I expect my girls to be.  Our perfection is not measured by worldly measurements.  I want my girls to strive to be the best versions of themselves and that is the only measurement that they need to base their excellence on.  Perfection does not have to equal pressure and in this house we are finding that balance.  We require improvement which is perfection to us.

     Third grade is a new adventure for us.  Our school system has finally switched from numbers to letter grades.  The number system was three numbers.  Three was considering mastering the skill, two was working on the skill, and one was need additional assistance on that skill.  My 8 year old has now switched to the normal letter system of A through F.  Not shockingly our smart girl is getting mostly As in the new system.  However, they introduced dictation test and her first attempt was a D+.  Luckily my husband did not tell her that was a "bad grade."   We explained that we needed to work harder.  For that first test her perfection was a D+ and we were ok with that.  She is still learning.  The letter grades just explain to us what we need to work on and what she is doing great already on.  She is a smart girl and we are never going to stress over grades.  Just like everything else in life grades are just a barometer to tell us what we need to work on.

     My kindergartner is a completely different story.  Perfection for her is not academically based.  As a result of her anxiety we are just happy that she is making it through the whole school day.  Every day my little 6 year old wakes up and says "I'm going to take today off."  And everyday I have to tell her that she is in kindergarten now and she no longer gets a day off.  I also sweetly inform her that I never get a day off either and let her know that she needs to wait until the weekend just like everyone else.  I strongly believe that kindergarten is the time when you are supposed to be learning how to go to school every day.  We are not concerned with her academic performance.  We are working on getting her to go to school everyday.  Perfection for her is waking up and getting ready for school without a fight.  

      My two year old is also an alternate adventure.  Her level of perfection is based on not destroying things.  She is learning how to be a good human and it is a difficult process for her.  Some people are concerned with their two year old knowing all their colors, or shapes, or alphabet but I just want my two year old to stop smearing her mac and cheese all over the couch.  My goal is that she stops crushing all the her chips into the cart.  We really just want her to not dump her fruit punch on the dog.  I want her to not color on the walls or put toothpaste all over her feet or take off her diaper and rub poop all over her stomach.  Making her a better person is a full time job.  Perfection for our rambunctious toddler is to not destroy things.  

     I expect my girls to be perfect, which mean perfect versions of themselves.  I need them to be kind and caring to everyone they meet.  I need them to love the skin that they are in.  I need them to always try and improve.  Being perfect should not measured by external standards.  The most perfect version of themselves is what I desire from my ladies .  That means different things to different girls.  However, we are always striving for perfection in this house.  It might not be perfect to the outside world but it is perfect to us.  I will not let anyone rest on their laurels.  We must all strive to be the perfect versions of ourselves but I will not judge any of our girls against others that are not them.  My husband used to be in the army and I want my girls to be "The best you can be."  Perfection is a constant pursuit for each of us as long as we don't base it on things we can never be it is always a good thing.   

Messy 39

   

     On this day thirty nine long years ago my amazing husband made his appearance into the world.  This is the last year in his 30s and we are going to live it to the fullest.  My husband and I have really never cared about the number of our age.  We are actually looking forward to all the things that happens as we get older.  Especially the discounts from our AARP cards and even the physical ones like white hairs, saggy body parts, and wrinkles.  This last year in the thirties is going to be another year that we get to celebrate growing older together.

     Thirty nine years ago my husband was born full of poop and is still full of it.  He was born in a small rural hospital in Iowa.  The hospital was unsure what was wrong with him.  The only thing that the doctors knew was that it had been over 24 hours and the baby had not pooped.  My father-in-law had to make one of the hardest decisions.  He put his tiny one day old baby onto a helicopter to be life lined to a hospital in Iowa City.  Meanwhile his parents could only stay and wait until my mother-in-law was released.  Now that I am a parent I completely understand how nerve racking this would be.  Making all those decisions while the hormones are surging through your body would make any person an emotional wreck.  Being away from your newborn baby and unsure if he was going to be ok would only add to the stress and worry.  Thankfully my husband was fine.  They still never knew why it took him so long to poop but I can say with certainty now that he is making up for lost time. 

     Next year my husband will enter his forties.  I will follow quickly the year after that.  My husband has been looking forward to being old for as long as I have known him.  He likes to eat dinner at five o'clock,  his dream car has always been a 2000 Buick, and he likes to be in bed by 8:30pm.  A lot of people say age is just a number.  I think it is so much more than that.  It is an accomplishment to travel around the sun for one more loop.  People who are getting older also understand that things start moving slower.  Body aches last longer, muscle soreness runs deeper, and brain power is used up by so many children.  Despite all the many things that we are wading through as the years press on we are happy to do it.  My husband and I love all the new things that we get to experience the older we get.  We get to see our kids grow and discover new things.  We get to discover new things about each other.  We get to share all our new activities together.  If age is just a number 40 is one that we are both looking forward too.  

     I am beyond thankful that I have spent the last twelve years with the love of my life.  It has only been twelve of his 39 years but it has definitely been the best 12 years of my life.  In the last 12 years we have had 7 jobs, 4 homes, 3 children, and 1 husky dog.  I'm looking forward to everything that the next 39 years brings into our lives.  I'm looking forward to the white hair over taking my husband's beard.  I'm looking forward to all the laugh lines that I work hard to make around his eyes.  Our life is going to be even more filled with experiences, family, love, and fun over the next 39 years.  I am excited to do it together with this amazing man that I get to call my partner, my love, and my best friend.  Our crazy life is only going to get crazier and more full.  Good thing we have enough room for all of it.  Happy Birthday Love!!  39 looks really good on you.    

Messy and Alot

      

      Being a mom is a lot.  Everything that is expected of us is a lot.  Sometimes I get overwhelmed by the amount of things that are needed from me.  Sometimes I get overwhelmed because no one will help me.  Sometimes, when I ask for help, I feel bad that I need any kind of help in the first place because of the reactions that I get.  Please don't misunderstand that I love this life and the little people that are in my life.  I love all of my village that helps me through these rough times but it is still a lot.   There are so many things that I have to do to keep everything running smoothly.  Why am I made to feel like a total failure as a mom if I need a little bit of help to do stuff?  Why am I made to feel like if I can't do it ALL myself it is such a burden for everyone else?  I help people all day and everyday and never make them feel that way so why are these unattainable expectations only reserved for moms. 

     All day everyday I help my girls with everything.  I help them get their stuff together for school.  I help them with breakfast.  I help them with laundry, cleaning their rooms, cleaning up spills and everything in between.   I help them with literally every aspect of their lives and never make them feel like they are a burden because of it.  I would never want them to feel that way.  My love for them makes me want to help them and to make sure that they always feel like their mom is there for them.  Therefore, it makes me incredibly frustrated if I need help and I am met with animosity.   Things like the kids homework or getting them packed up it is a huge imposition on anyone else to do the job that apparently I am "supposed" to be doing.  It is a frustrating spot to be in.   

     A mom is not a huge imposition when needing assistance and should not be made to feel that way.  We exist to make everyones life easier.  For some reason if we stop juggling one ball and someone has to do something that they don't normally have to do because we don't have the time, energy, or strength to do what we normally do we are not failures.  I have not failed anyone.  Yes moms are superwomen but why do we have to be.  Why is it so hard to find support the way we literally support every other human that we are in contact with?  Why are we the only ones that don't get a pass?  We are in charge of keeping the house clean, keeping the kids fed, and keeping the clothes washed, the dishes washed, the fun actives planned, emotions in check, the floors vacuums, the bathrooms cleaned, the sheets washed, the beds made, the baby happy, the fights settled, and a whole lot more.  So GOD FORBID we need any help to do ONE of the 10 million things that we do on a daily basis.

     Moms are not asking for the world.  Moms are not asking for everyone to take over all their responsibilities while they sit around and watch Netflix all day.  Although that might be nice for one day.   We are all asking for a little assistance.  We just want people to give up a few minutes of their time to help us so we can have a few minutes of our lives back.  Moms should not feel bad at this simple request.  Yet sometimes they do.  Trying to make everyone comfortable around me all the time is slowly making myself slip away.  I can see shadows of my old life pop up and then quickly fade away again.  I love my girls.  I live for my girls.  I love helping people so why is it such a chore to help me.  After all these big feelings that we moms feel all day and every day it would be nice to get some support that does not feel like we had to break down and beg for it.  If you are mom and have had any of these feelings please know that you are not alone.  Please know that I know it is a lot sometimes.  Please know that if you ask this mom for help I will never make you feel like less than.  Because that is how it should be.