I have not had a job in nine years. Let me rephrase that I haven't had a paycheck in nine years. I started a part time job this week. It is only teaching voice lessons at night but it is a good opportunity for something more when all my girls are in school. I have three more years and then all my independent women will be in school at the same time. This amazing opportunity presented itself and my husband and I agreed that I should take. I love singing and I love teaching these students to love it too but I miss my girls. It is hard to switch gears and I feel like I am missing out. I already miss them when they are at school and love to hear about their crazy days when they get home. However, with my new job there are three days a week that I don't get to hear about their school adventures.
Our family is obsessed with family dinners. Even when my girls were itty bitty my husband would come home and we would all have great conversations during family dinners. Sometimes it was a home cooked and sometimes it was pizza. The meal doesn't matter but the conversation and the company does. It is the one time of day that I get a captive audience. I can ask any question I want without distraction of toys or electronics. My 8 year old doesn't love to tell me about her day but I am always able to glean some information during dinner. My 6 year old tries to tell me every single thing that has happened in the time that she is away from me and dinner is the time she can listen to others stories. I have missed family dinners three nights in a row because of my new job. Instead of sitting down with my sweet girls and hearing about their day I pack a lunch and eat it out of lunch box as I drive home. I hate it but I know I will catch up with my girls on the weekend.
The reason I became a stay at home mom was more financial than emotional. My husband and I did the math and I was only taking home $150 a month after the cost of day care. At the time I sternly told my husband that it wasn't worth it and I was going to stay home with our baby. Nine years of clipping coupons with the addition of two more beautiful girls and here I am going back to work. However, it is finally work that I actually want to do. I love teaching music. I love spreading my joy of learning how to sing. I love singing anytime I am able to. We are clearly not living the "Daddy Warbucks" life from this new part time job. I was offered an opportunity to teach at a studio and I took it. After this week of working I now know that it is extremely rewarding and heartbreaking to be a working mom. I kind of knew that already but now I have first hand experience.
I love my girls and my husband more than anything else in the entire world. Every moment that I am away from my people is not ideal. However, I love singing and teaching singing. Having your feet in two worlds is a difficult balancing act. Missing out on stories from my girls during family dinner is a price that I am currently paying. Tonight my husband got me flowers and my girls made me a sign that said "Congratulations on your first week of work. We love you Momma." Having that kind of love and support is awesome. It makes me remember that I literally have the best family in the world. However, it also makes me remember all the beautiful things I have to miss. I asked my 8 year old if she is happy that mom is going to work. She assertively said "No." I know that this is the best thing for me and family. I know that this is an adjustment for all of us. I know that this momma working will get easier. Even though it may be hard for them it is good for my girls to see their momma as a person. I want them to see that I am more than just a Mom and that they can be all things too. At the end of the day it is a great opportunity and with love and support from this amazing crew I know I can do anything. However, there is going to be a lot more talking on the weekends.
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