Summer is hard for most moms. Too many people are living in this house for too many hours a day. Too many small humans are requiring too many things from this momma. Too many times I am yelling or crying because of the many things I have to do. I am counting down the days until my older two to go back to school. It's six days! Literally I am looking forward to only have one destructive toddler at home. I am relaxing with the thought of only having to make two lunches instead of four. I am hoping for a nap time that will no longer be disrupted by sisters playing loudly. It's 6 days! However, I'm still sad about my older two going to school and I’m allowed to feel both happy and sad at the same time. My toddler has all the feelings so I think I'm allowed too.
Stress is the main feeling the summer gives me. I have a 3rd grader, a kindergarten, and a two year old. The result of this is a variety of juggling since they are all in different stages. My arms are tired from all the juggling that I have been doing this summer. It seems like all summer there was always at least one of my three girls upset everyday. If my 5 year old was happy with the activity my toddler was not. If we did something my toddler loved, my 8 year old thought it was boring baby stuff. On rare occasions the stars would align and everyone would be happy for a few fleeting moments of peace. Otherwise summer is a stressful juggling act.
Joy is also a prominent feeling of summer for this momma. I love having all my ducks home. Between all the stress, planning, and meals (seriously so much food making) I love spending every hour of every day with my girls. I love all the extra hugs, snuggles, girl talk, dance parties, and hose fights that come with summer time. My girls have always given me so much joy at all their stages. This year my 8 year old was finally tall enough to ride the big slides at our local water park. She stood in the line and hesitantly walked up all the steps to the top of a two story slide. I nervously waited at the bottom with both her little sisters. As she emerged from the yellow tube we all cheered while she swam over to us. I said "How was it?" She somberly said "That was totally worth three years of waiting." I think that she has done all the slides about a million times this summer and still finds joy in every trip.
Sadness in our house always comes in waves. At the beginning of the summer there was a lot of sadness. My girls are starting a brand new school in less than a week. It is in the same school district but they just built a brand new school and our family was redistributed to the new school. My kindergartner is sad because her preschool teacher is not going to her new school. She had the same teacher for two years and this brand new school with a brand new teacher is a lot for her to process. My third grader is sad because some of her friends are staying at her old school. I am sad because soon I won't get to see their beautiful faces every hour of every day. They will be off having fun and doing activities without their Mom.
End of summer emotions are hard. Beginning of school emotions are hard. I am allowed to feel relieved that my kids are going back to school. I am allowed to feel anxious about all their new experiences. I am allowed to feel sad that I don't get to see them all the time. As moms we tend to feel things with our children. I think an empathy switch flips once someone gets a child. Elizabeth Stone once said "Making the decision to have a child...is to decided forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." When my girls go off to school, I have no idea what they are doing all day. I just hope they know no matter what happens at school they will always be returning to a safe place. They will always be coming to a home surrounded by people who love them. They will always be supported in this house that we have made. My girls will be missed all day long by me and my toddler. However, make sure they don't come home until school is dismissed.
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