Messy School Is Out!

     Monday was the last day of school for my two big kids.  My 8 year old second grader will be moving onto third grade and my 5 year old pre-k girly has graduated into the big time kindergarten.  Both of my girls have had significant struggles this year with the new COVID regulations.  Next year we will hopefully be back to some kind of a more normal school environment.  My girls both love school.  Despite everything they had to endure this school year was still a tremendous year of learning new things and overcoming new situations for all of us.  If we can survive school during a pandemic, I am confident we can survive anything together as a family.

     My second grader, along with most second graders last year, started the year extremely behind.  My once blossoming student that had no trouble catching onto any subject was now struggling with literally every subject.  We had to adjust to a brand new homework routine.  In first grade it would take my little lady 15 mins to finish all her homework after school with little to no assistance.  In COVID second grade she would take 2-3 hours with my husband and I helping her ever step of the way.  There were other frustrating aspects of a COVID School life.  For example this was the year of the mean girls.  Students were forced to stay in pods and only play with the people in their class.  It protected her from a virus but not from the mean girls.  The new system gave the girls that love to exclude people ultimate power.  My sweet lady was caught in the crossfire.  My previous advice of "Go play with someone else" was not an option with the new restrictions.  Sometimes she was in the group and hated that others were being excluded.  Sometimes she was the one being excluded and hated it.  We are all looking forward to two months of no mean girls.  Except her sisters but she can handle them.

     My little pre-k kid graduated in a ceremony last Thursday.  Normally we would have had a big celebration with aunts, uncles, gramie, pa, and all the cousins in attendance.  This year only two tickets were allowed per student for the ceremony.  I am thankful because last year's graduates didn't even get a commemoration.  Therefore all the people that loved her watched on a live stream as my spunky redhead bounded across the stage.  After two years of having the same teacher she is onto much bigger things.  She is going from three days of school to all the days.  Despite all her trepidation about her next chapter she sang "This Little Light of Mine" with the rest of her fellow graduates while using intense focus.  My sweet 5 year old has control anxiety disorder and is already very nervous about a new school, new teacher, and new friends.  We are all looking forward to two months of processing time before she takes those big steps onto the elementary school bus.  Luckily her sister will be there to hold her hand the whole way.  

   Summer is a time to unwind and relax for kids.  Not for moms obviously because more people will be living here for more hours a day which equals more mess.  Moms will have more fights to break up, more messes to clean up, and more laundry to pick up.  However, despite all the extra work for moms this is a much needed break for all our little humans.  As a mom I love change.  I love to switch things up and fall into a different routine but it's only been two days and my girls are already fighting.  We might not make it for two months but deep down I know they need their summer.   More than most years I think our kids need a summer.  More than most years I think our kids need to unwind.  More than most years I think our kids need two months where all they have to worry about is being a kid.  Next school year will come all too soon so for now my girls and I are planning to soak up every last second of summer.         

All Kids are Messy

     Kids are messy.  ALL kids are messy.  I am confident that there has never been a sweet baby that has been placed into a momma's arms that does not poop through a diaper or spit up.  There is no such thing as a non messy child. They just don't exist.  The bad news is kids are always messiest for their own parents.  Even me, a 37 year old woman, frequently goes to my mom's house and messes up her stuff.  Not out of malice but just because I don't put things back where she wants them to go.  My brother frequently eats my mom's chocolate and forgets to throw away the wrappers at her house.  My sister will unknowingly leave a rogue Kleenex on my mom's counter.  It is a blessing that our children are so messy, especially to their mothers.

     Being a mom is the one job that I can never quit.  It is the one thing that I will do until the day I die I will be someones mom.  My girls will always be my children and I will always be their mother.  I hope my kids feel as comfortable with me when they are in their thirties as they do when they are toddlers.  Even though my mom lives in a house that I did not grow up in I still feel like it is my home because my parents live there.  I feel totally comfortable going over and cleaning out her fridge or her pantry because she is my mom.  These feelings mostly stem from the way that my mother reacted to our messes.  Do I shrug it off or freak out?  Am I punishing the kids or calmly asking them to clean up their mess?  Children will always make messes and that I can't change that.  However, I can change the way I react to the mess.

     My 2 year old loves making messes.  It brings her such joy to be destructive.  Instead of just dumping out a bag of chips on the carpet she likes to take further.  She will feel the need to stomp every last chip into the carpet to make sure there is no going back.  Currently her favorite toddler thing to do is say "Oh No!" and then two seconds later dump her drink all over the floor.  There is no sippy cup safe from her carnage.  I could choose to let my heart sink and get angry that she has added to the millions of other spills that I need to clean up on a daily basis.  However, I chose to shrug and happily get the towels, one for me and one for her.  When she loses interest in cleaning the spill I finish up and go on with my day.  No crying and no screaming because messes are going to happen.  I think if I was to get upset at every mess that my kids make I would be wasting a lot of energy and we would all be massively unhappy.  We would lose lots of our precious time together if they were in time out for every spill.  My girls would lose lots of their independence if I insisted on doing the task to prevent the spill.  We would all be enormously more frustrated if I cared about each spill.  Spills happen and over the years I have gotten very used to them.    

      I want my girls to live here.  I want them to be comfortable here.  I want them to be kids here and kids make messes here.  It is a part of life.  This home is their home too and I want them to enjoy it which means not having to walk on eggshells in it.  I was very fortunate that in my childhood we were treated like kids.  Of course we had chores to help around the house and so do my girls.  Teaching them to find joy in helping us take care of their home creates a sense of ownership.  Giving them chores helps them realize that we value our home.  They set the table every night, put their clothes away, and clean their rooms.  I am their momma not their servant but I am also not their boss.  They do not work for me because we work together in this house.  When my girls are playing all together messes will be made and it is a beautiful thing.  When my girls are playing all together laughing will happen and fun will be had.  When my girls are playing all together bonds will form and imaginations will be engaged.  We will clean up when they are done.  No rush.   

Mother's Day is ALWAYS Messy

     

     4 years ago I wrote a post on my Facebook entitled the "Day After Mother's Day."  I have often thought back about this post because I really do believe that it started me on my REAL Messy Mom journey.  It was on that day after mother's day that I finally realized that all the of the expectations I had put on myself as a mother and all the exceptions that others had put on me were wearing me down.  Why were household chores being tied to my motherhood?  Why was food prep being tied to my motherhood?  Why were my kids' apparel being tied to my motherhood?  These questions along with a million others put me on a much healthier mental path while being a mother to my girls.

    On that specific day four years ago I had a 1 year old and a 4 year.  I literally had to strap the one year old to my chest in order to get caught up on everything that had gotten behind.  Taking one day off as a mom means that you have to do at least two days of work the next day.  I finally broke down and wrote a post about trying to find joy in all the things that I had to catch up on.  Realizing that one day there will not be dishes in the sink after mother's day because my girls will be having dinner with their own families.  Realizing that one day there will not be toys that are left on the stairs because toys will be gone from our house.  Realizing that one day I can finish the laundry because only two people will be wearing clothes here.  These things a million others make me now love the mess that my little girls make in our beautiful messy life.

     Mother's day is messy for all kinds of reasons.  The emotional mess of missing all the moms that are no longer with us.  We long for one more special hug from all the wonderful women that were taken from us too soon and this day is just another reminder of that lost embrace.  The devastating mess of all the women that are longing to be mothers.  They long for a baby of their own to snuggle and this day is just another reminder that they don't have one yet.  The complicated mess of moms not able to be with their babies.  They long for togetherness and unity whether their babies are 5 or 50 and this day is just another reminder of the lost times with their loves.  Mother's day comes with all kinds of mess but as a mom we are used to the mess.

     Despite all the emotional and physical mess of mother's day there is so much beauty in it.  My girls love any excuse to celebrate and when I am the center of their celebrations it can only be awesome.  Embracing the mess that is made in my honor on this amazing day is one of my greatest joy.  Who cares if it takes me a week to catch up, I am having too much fun.  I get more hugs and kisses and love notes on mother's day than I do any other day of the year.  Learning to love everything about mother's day has been an ongoing journey.  However, now I see the beauty in the grief because it is a day that reminds me of all the wonderful mothers that have gone before me.  I see beauty in the new moms after years of waiting they have finally been blessed with a child in one way or another.  There is so much joy on Mother's Day that it usually eclipses the majority of the mess and sadness which helps all of us see the reason that we celebrate mothers.  For those ladies that work extremely hard everyday, I think we can all spare 24 hours to show them how much we couldn't live without them.  Thanks Mom!

Messy Mom Gets Clean

     

     I love getting clean!  Actually I love taking a bath and getting clean is just a wonderful byproduct.  At least every two days I try to find the time to take a bath.  This bath means laying in the tub, no one talking to me,  and soaking my body and brain type of bath.  My wonderful husband and father-in-law installed a small television directly in sight of my bath tub.  I love to relax into the warm water and turn on a mindless show while letting all of my momma stresses melt into the tub.  My time in the bath is one of my greatest forms of self care.  Apparently it is part of my up bringing because bath time was always a long event in my house growing up. 

      When we were little bath time was one of the few breaks my mom received as a stay at home mom.  Before things like self-care were discussed among moms,  my mother figured out a way to give herself a break.  She had three kids under the age of 4 and needed some time to relax.  My mom would throw three demanding toddlers into the bath along with a massive amount of toys that included Tupperware and kitchen spoons.  Then my mom would take her perch on top of the toilet and break out a book.  Losing herself in a trashy romance novel while we happily played in the warm water.  Even from a small age I remember her taking time to heat up the bath water more than once during bath time.  Eventually our bath time would end and my mom's quiet time along with it.  Returning to the chaos of small children until the next bath was needed and my mom could enjoy another book on her porcelain throne. 

     As I grew older my mom used a bath to fix everything.  Whenever we would come to her with any ailment she would always advise that we take a bath.  You have a tummy ache, take a bath.  You have a broken toe, take a bath.  Your boyfriend broke up with you, take a bath.  It seemed to be her magical cure for everything.  Her insistent bath therapy trained me to still use this philosophy in my life.  Taking a bath not only seems to wash away my dirt and grim but also the majority of my troubles.  All my psychological ills seem to fall down the drain with the rest of the muck.  I have always thought of my baths as a reset button.  Feeling totally out numbered by my 3 girls means I need time to be with myself and nobody else which is super rare.

    My amazing husband usually takes care of bath time with our little ladies.  We both learned early on that if I lean over the bathtub to scrub them down I will throw out my back.  An old dance injury that still plagues me.  My girls love bath time.  Even now when my 8 year old has decided to start taking showers she likes to play with the other girls over the side of the tub.  We have all kinds of bath things water changing colors, bath paints, and every toy you can imagine.   Even if a toy isn't supposed to go into the tub my girls make it a bath toy.  Barbies, LOLs, and little people all jump in the bath with my girls.  Luckily they can all go in the dishwasher when they have been left in the bath a little too long with a little too much gunk on them.  Secretly my husband and I do throw some away the ones that cannot come back from the brink of moldiness.                   

    I have heard people say "Everything comes out in the wash."  Even if my little ladies are splashing or playing over the side of my tub it is still a much needed mom break.  All my stresses of the day come out in the wash.  All my anger and malice comes out in the wash.  All of the worries of my momma life come out in the wash.  Washing away all of my mental and physical ailments makes me a better momma. Just like the quiet time my mom had while we were in the bath made her a better momma too.  Maybe someday my own little ladies will use bath time to make them better mommas.  I encourage you all to find that one thing that can wash away your momma stress and hang on to it.  Most of the bad things in this world can be cured from a good bath.  Just ask my mom.