Messy Mom Gets Dirty

   

      I love getting dirty!  Get your minds out of the gutter because I am talking about literal dirt.  I love being sweaty, grimy, covered in dirt, and smothered with paint.  If you name a reason to take a shower, I love being covered in it.  First of all it makes my showering so much more rewarding.  Rather than just cleaning up a smelly mommy I get to actually scrub off visible muck.  Secondly I always feel like I accomplished something when I am dirty.  The physical appearance of sweat or grim means that I exerted myself for a specific purpose.  If I am covered in paint I know that their is a freshly painted project that I just completed.  If I am covered in sweat dripping down every part of my body I know that I have burned a significant amount of calories.  If I am covered in dirt and grass I know that my yard and garden will be more landscaped for the work that I have put in.  I love getting dirty and so do my girls.  Therefore I always encourage my girls to play in the dirt or get sticky or get messy in all ways possible.

      Our pediatricians office has a lamented sign in their exam room for all patients to read.  In summary it says "Please let your kids play outside in the dirt.  It is good for them."  The sign has statistics and reassurances for parents that dirt will not hurt your children.  On the contrary it literally says that it is good for children and decreases a lot of common ailments.  Germs have never bothered me.  Once my oldest was in school I just resigned myself to the fact the whole family was going to get whatever she brought home.  Therefore letting them play outside in the dirt and grim was not something I was going to fight.  Especially since the outside made them so happy.  Climbing trees, digging for treasure, and touching all the outside things cause my little ladies to constantly be dirty when the weather is cooperating.  

    Keeping my free range girls inside was never an option.  Even when my middle child was 6 months old the only thing that would get her to calm down and stop crying was to walk outside.  My mom bought me a deck swing for that exact purpose.  The fresh air instantly stopped any kind of uncomfortable feelings she was having just a few moments earlier.  As a result if the weather allowed it we were all outside all day.  We are all very fair skinned so we usually go through at least a gallon of sunscreen every year.  My girls love the sun but the sun does not like us.  As soon as they pop out of bed in spring and summer I lather them up and they are outside the entire rest of the day.  Some days I can barely get them to come in for lunch.  Other days we eat lunch outside.  If the sandwich gets dropped in the dirt we brush it off and continue on with our lunch.  Eating dirt has never been something I have been concerned about.  I try to discourage it but in the end the fight is futile.    

      I love that my girls love to get dirty just like their momma.  In the winter we usually give our girls a bath every other day because they don't really get that dirty.  However, when the weather is nice, especially in the summer, our girls need to get cleaned every night because of the amount of grim they get into.  Getting dirty is part of life.  We are all going to get dirty in different ways.  If I help my girls feel comfortable with actual dirt while they are young hopefully they will find the confidence to get into the muck of life as they get older.  Encouraging my ladies to get into the muddy messiness of life will prepare them for getting into situations that are not always neat and tidy.  Life is messy and my little ladies are thriving in the mess of this world.

Messy Mom Guilt

    I used to have the opinion that mom guilt was not real.  My thought was that moms were just being too hard on themselves.  We are all doing the best we can and need to give ourselves just as much grace as we give our children.  Partially I was right and yet I was still very wrong.  I have come to realize the mom guilt can come in many different forms for many different mothers.  Some moms have guilt for dropping their kids off at daycare.  Some moms have guilt for heating up chicken nuggets for lunch for the fifth day in a row.  Some moms have guilt for too much screen time.  All of these reasons for mom guilt seemed silly to me.  That was until my own mom guilt punched me in the face.        

        When my second little lady was a newborn baby she had the fastest growing hair and fingernails I have ever seen.  I would file her nails and by the end of the day they were cutting her little face again.  I thought maybe I am not filing them low enough so I decided to go a little lower.  I ended up filing off of the top of some of her tiny newborn fingers.  When I saw the littlest fingers I have ever seen start bleeding I began sobbing.  In my attempt to help this precious tiny human that I love, I ended up physically harming her.  The baby was crying, I was crying, and her 2 year old sister was crying.  We were all a mess.  My first thought was that someone else should be taking care of this baby because I am clearly not able to do it correctly. Crazy hormones will cause any person to turn to strange thoughts.

   Those initial thoughts sound ridiculous, I know that now.  Obviously the last thing I wanted to do was hurt my baby.  The first problem was I was trying to stop her from creating another boo boo and unintentionally caused one of my own.  The second problem was I had just had a baby and was actually unaware that I was suffering from some postpartum anxiety.  I had extreme anxiety every time this new baby was away from me.  Even if I was upstairs and she was downstairs my heart would start pounding in my ears until I was holding her in my arms again.   We were only sleeping in 45 minute intervals because of her high metabolism and her insatiable need to eat 6 ounces every 45 minutes.    

    Many times as a mom I have the best of intentions and still hurt my little ones.  Sometimes I hurt their feelings and sometimes I accidentally hurt them physically.  Never is this done out of malice or ill content.  Hormones, exhaustion, stress, mental fatigue, are just a few things that all moms are constantly dealing with on a daily basis.  Also these kids are small and get stepped on quite often.  Sometimes it takes a small accident like filing your newborn finger to realize that we are only human.  We make mistakes just like everybody else does.  So why do we have such mom guilt?  Why is it such a plague that there is an actual term for it?  Why can we forgive everyone else except ourselves?  Every time my husband drops one of our kids on their heads accidentally while playing I never think that he is a horrible parent or father.  However, if I turn around and accidentally poke one of my girls in the eye I am riddled with mom guilt.  If that eye gets infected I will be a sobbing mess in my bed until the amoxicillin is out of the refrigerator.  

  Logically I know that I did not hurt my child intentionally.  Logically I know that it was an accident.  Logically I know that they will be fine. I think that the reason we feel so much pressure is because our main job on this earth is to protect those sweet little babies we were given.  Therefore to know that their protector is the one that caused them any kind of pain turns our world upside down.  Letting go of that elephant sized mom guilt is like trying to push a boulder up a hill.  Each time I feel relieved from the pressure some tiny accident will add extra weight to that mom guilt rock.  It is a constant struggle to forgive myself.  Forgiving everyone else is the easy part.  Moms are always asking themselves "Am I doing a good job?"  "Is this the thing that is going to scar them forever?" "Will they grow up to be serial killers because I threw away that toy as a punishment?" The one thing I know is that I will eventually forgive myself and no matter how bad I feel my little ladies will always know that their momma loves them intensely.      

Messy Mother of Spring

    

       Most people love spring.  Except people with allergies and moms who have to spring clean.  I still love spring but I have many more duties now then I did before I was a mom.  With the onset of the warmer weather comes many more mom responsibilities and muddy messes to clean.  In the winter I hibernate inside with my kids and husband.  To get ready for the summer outside fun of no school there are many extra tasks that must be accomplished.  The problem is I have to try and accomplish all those projects while still dealing with homework, preschool, and toddler trouble.  

     Letting the fresh air pour in through an open window is one of my favorite things of spring.  We live in the Midwest so there are only a few months during the year when it is not too cold or too humid to have our windows open.  However, the times that I get to relax and enjoy the fresh air are short.  The first of my many spring tasks is changing out the coats.  Packing up all the snow pants, hats, gloves, scarves and heavy winter coats is a full weekend event.  When it was just my husband and I this small task took very little time.  Now I have 5 people that live here with an abundance of outside winter gear.  Don't even get me started on the extra blankets.  My kids love snuggling under a blanket and always request extra comforters.  Making sure everything is washed and nicely put into the basement for next year's colder seasons is an extremely time consuming chore.

     Along with all the inside chores there are now more outside chores that must be done in a timely manner.  I always feel like my husband and I are working up until the time that school lets out to try get everything done.  We are a great team.  Our house is on the edge of a small forest area so we have to clear out the underbrush before it gets unmanageable and full of poison ivy.  My girls love to play in the trees and I want them to be able to.  The cars take a permanent position outside to make room for the bikes that are pulled off the garage ceiling.  Bike rides are something that our little family lives for when the weather is nice.  My wonderful husband takes care of all the spring bike maintenance so our big girls can take off on their many adventures.  I love that they are able to enjoy this little bit of freedom.  The garage needs to be cleaned out and prepared for lawn mowing season.  Power washing and staining a deck before the hot summer sun hits are just a few other outside chores that must be finished.  Fertilizing the lawn, planting the garden, and taking care of all our other outside plants are also some time sensitive tasks.

     I love that the weather is nice and my girls can play outside.  It lowers my blood pressure just thinking about them playing outside.  They fight with each other much less in the fresh air.  That is not the only thing I love about spring.  Even with all the tasks that have to be done in a timely manner there are some that I extremely enjoy.  Planning my garden is one of them.  I always look forward to fresh veggies and so does the rest of my family that I supply.  Sometimes I feel like a drug dealer with my tomatoes going to 3 different families.  I love salads and fresh veggies make them a million times better.  My girls love digging in the dirt to help plant all the garden goodies.  However, this spring planting always causes a muddy mess that accompanies the massive amount of fun.  

     Summer is coming. School is more demanding of parent involvement with walk-a-thons, graduations, and end of school parties.  However, summer is coming.  All the spring assignments that have to be accomplished in a timely manner are daunting.  However, summer is coming.  All the areas of our life that must be cleaned out and packed up is time consuming.  However, summer is coming.  Soon we will be going through tremendous amounts of sunscreen and enjoying the summer fun.  No homework, no school, and nothing but fun for 3 solid months.  Let's buckle down and get through this crazy spring and keep looking forward to the summer fun that awaits me and all my little ladies.          

Muted Messy Mom

    

     My girls are extremely loud.  I mean glass shattering, blood curdling, horror movies, LOUD and they are always loud.  They are loud when they' re mad, sad, happy, excited, surprised, and they are loud when they're fighting or playing nicely.  My kids are constantly loud and I don't think they are the only kids that are boisterous.  I say "Inside voices" a million times when we are in public to try and teach them to control the sound of their voices.   However, at home we are obviously a little more lack because we want them to enjoy being kids.  Normally this is not a problem but on Sunday I lost my voice.

     I have three very vocal girls.  This trait is inherited naturally from their mother's side.  Constantly I was told that I was too loud as a kid.  My voice naturally projected which is skill that has come in very handy as a singer and a mom.  I never planned on being a mom that yells.  However, in order to be heard over my gaggle of girls I must raise my voice.  Sometimes I yell in frustration.  Sometimes I yell in disappointment.  Often I yell because it is literally the only way to be heard above the volume level of my little ladies.  Since I am home with them all day I really don't notice the decibel level of their little voices.  When my husband comes home from being at work all day I can tell that their piercing little screams hurt his ears.  He has been in a quiet office all day and then had a quiet car ride home.  The extreme differences in sound would be difficult for anyone to adjust to.

     On most normal days my girls don't listen to me unless I am screaming like a crazy person.  I have yet to determine if this is because they are ignoring me or literally can't hear me.  Some days I think that it might be both reasons.  I can say "Put your shoes on" in a calm normal voice twenty times.  None of my sweet little ladies will budge an inch from what they are doing.  However, if I scream the words at them they finally mosey on over to the shoe totes.  It will still be another 5-10 minutes of finding matching shoes and getting them actually on their feet.  Without working vocal chords I am starting to think my kids are going to go barefoot everywhere.  I cannot conceive of a way to get my kids out the door with shoes on their feet.  Snapping and whistling does not have the same effect on my children as speaking loudly. 

    Getting my kids where they need to be and keeping the house in relative order is going to be a challenge with limited speaking capabilities.  If I am honest it is always a challenge even when I have a full voice.  My toddler is a particularly interesting challenge.  She is at that amazing age when she sneakily loves to get into everything that she is not authorized to get into.  Often my husband and I have to clap, stomp, or yell at her to stop doing what she is getting ready to do.  Sometimes I feel like we are treating her like a cat instead of a toddler.  Telling her to get down from there or even yelling "Scat" when she tries to reach for certain things.  I'm positive she is going to take full advantage of a no voice momma this week.  

     I love momma challenges.  An opportunity to try new things with my girls is always something I cherish.  Flexing my mom muscle makes me learn new things and be a better mom.  I think it is good for them to see their mom in a different way too.  Stepping out of my comfort zone and not using my naturally loud voice to correct behavior is going to be refreshing.  Whispering, clapping, snapping, stomping, and whistling will have to be my main form of attention for the next week.  They are going to need to learn to work together more because the referee is out of office.  I am sure that it will make my girls pay more attention and get more creative.   However, I am sure that more messes will be made while I am without a voice.  Fighting among the girls will continue longer while I am silenced.   Arriving later to all activities with less preparation without momma reminders will be a common occurrence during the next week.  Without a yelling momma my girls will have to rely on themselves more.  This momma will also have to learn to trust they can do more things on their own.  At the end of this 2 weeks we will all appreciate each other a little more and hopefully be a little more confident in our own abilities.  Let's hope my voice comes back soon.             

Messy Mom on Vacation

    

     It's Spring Break!!!  We are in Gaitlinburg, TN.  Well actually we are in  Sevierville, TN but close enough.  Anyone who has ever taken their kids on a vacation is abundantly aware it is not a relaxing getaway.  I have a friend that always says "You are asking me to do the same job without any of my resources."  This year is worse than most other years.  Last year we had this exact same spring break planned and we had to cancel at the last minute because of COVID.  My girls level of "need to get away" is currently on max.  Releasing my animals from their cages is proving to be a wild ride.  Logically I knew that this is a much needed unwind time for my little ladies.  Therefore a small amount of inconvenience for me must be endured.

     My husband is always unable to travel during spring break every year.  It is a peak time for his company and they always mandate a vacation freeze.  Luckily I have an amazing mom and dad that love to help me take my girls camping.  My kids LOVE camping.  Grey Grey and Pa are always there to save the day when my kids need extra people.  I am beyond thankful that they love to take us away with them.  Most people would think that adding 3 small children to a vacation is a horrible idea but my parents plan their camping specifically for me and my girls to tag along.  We get an extra bonus this year because Aunt Andi is coming with us too.  My sister doesn't get a lot of vacation with her job so we always feel blessed when she chooses to take it with us.  Secretly I think the real reason is most cruises are not traveling this year.  

     My sister and I could not be more different.  She is athletic.  I am artistic.  She is a night owl.  I am up with the sun.  She is an alcohol lightweight.  I need a refill on my martini.  Despite all of our differences we love each other like crazy.  We are both gingers from the same the mister so our fire passions can conflict.  When my husband and I go on vacation we enjoy lazy, no plan, no expectation, and low energy vacations.  My sister has been nicknamed "planny pants".  She has to plan every hour of every day while at a destination.  If we don't see every attraction, museum, show, and theme park within a 30 mile radius we have wasted our time away.  As you can imagine this creates a clash.  Therefore it ends up being a trip of compromise.  We see fifty percent of things she wants and I get fifty percent do nothing time.  Each of us are able to give a little and still get whole lot in return.  If she was not here we would see nothing except the campground.  If I was not here she would kill everyone from exhaustion.  She is the peanut butter to my jelly and our vacation sandwich is always delicious.

     Second grade has been very hard on our family.  My 8 year old has put in more effort in the last 3 quarters than she ever has in entire school career.  As a result I wanted her to have some much needed time away from spelling and math.  Everyday her school is using class pods as a COVID precaution so she doesn't get to see all her friends.  Five days a week for 8 hours a day she has to wear a mask which is causing her first acne to pop up on her chin.  I desperately wanted to give her a place and time she could be outside and have as little restrictions as possible.  This vacation is exactly what she needed.  Her angst level has dropped significantly.  Her sass is still the same level but she was born that way.

     My 5 year old and 2 year old have been craving more fresh air too. Camping has always been the best way to get them a steady supply of outside.  I have said so many times that my kids are outside people.  Someday we might release them into the wild and I am positive they would survive just fine.  Being able to be outside from 8am until 8pm is heaven for my little ladies.  Pretending their bikes are horses while riding around the campsite.  Climbing a 4 foot rock pile while acting like it is Mt. Everest.  Making so many new friends that will only last for a week (but apparently they are best friends forever).  These are the things that I love when we go on vacation.  Yes it may be more stressful because nap times, eating times, and sugar ratios are completely unregulated.  However, the beautiful things that bloom from a spring break are so much better than all of the extra stress.