We are constantly ranked, scaled, judged, and compared in so many ways. Not just as moms but as women and wives. Unfortunately the same thing happens to our children. If I put focus on arbitrary things of how the world measures my children I, as a mom, could do considerable harm to my little ladies. I have decided to show my girls the importance of striving for the best and leaving the ranking to the rest. If a bad grade is received at school I will celebrate that grade because I will know the hard work that was put in. However, if a bad grade is received because they were slacking that will surely result in a punishment. It is all about perspective not just the numbers that we are receiving.
When my oldest was 9 months old she was able to say "I love you." At the time we did not know that was unusual. Since she was our first baby we just assumed that it was normal for a baby to start talking in full sentences that early. By the time she was 1 years old she was able to tell a waitress at a restaurant that she wanted chicken nuggets. The reason that I am telling you this is to make you aware of her verbal intelligence. She has always been far ahead of the curve when it comes to reading or speaking. Currently she is receiving the lowest score possible in her second grade class for literacy. This grade is a result of her lack of talent in spelling. My girl works so hard at spelling but just like her momma that skill does not come easily to her. Everyday she writes each of her spelling words 5 times. Everyday we quiz her on those spelling words. Yet every Thursday she never gets any higher than a 13 out of 17 on her spelling test. That translates to a child who is reading 250 page chapter books and is currently getting a 1 in literacy. That school mark is not an accurate measure of her literary intelligence.
Children are measured on many things in life, not just grades. My littlest lass recently had her 2 year old check up. In our pediatrician's office that is the age when she goes from baby percentiles into BMI. We are fortunate that our doctor does not put emphasis on the actual number but only the curve that each girl is currently on. He focuses on if there is a jump or a drop which means he only measures my girls against themselves not other children. Women are constantly judged on weight and other physical factors. That has been the story since the beginning of time so I am not expecting to change it. The only thing that I can do as a mother to 3 girls is change my ladies perceptions to external measurements. Teaching my girls to use those external measurements as guidelines to score themselves against themselves. I also want them to take all the factors into consideration not just a number.
Numbers do not carry any emotional weight in our house. A number on the scale is the same as a number on a ruler. If I use a measuring tape to measure a piece of wood it is the same as stepping on the scale to measure my progress by pounds. I could work extremely hard dieting and working out and scale measurement might not reflect my effort. I do not get discouraged and I make my girls aware of that when they ask me "What's the number?" if they see me on the scale. I report the number like it is a normal measurement. Grades, pounds, incomes, BMI, number of children, years of marriage, these are just a few ways that we are constantly compared. Teaching my girls not to put any emotion into these measurements of the world is something that I take as one of my highest priorities. Their self worth should be in their kindness not their size of clothing. Their value should be in their work ethic not their amount of income. Their happiness should be in the way they love others not in the number of friends they have. Emotional reactions should be reserved for people and not numbers. My girls are worth so much more than their measurements and so am I.
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