Messy and Lazy

    My kids have a super power as soon as they sense me sit down they need something.  They don't even have to see me getting ready to sit; they can sense it.  If they feel like I am starting to relax in any way they instantly attack with a need, a want, or a hurt.  Their spidy sense tingles when my butt gets close to any chair or couch.  How do they know?  The only time I am able to relax is after they are finally asleep.  Even that is short lived because we all know that they are going to be awake in just a few more hours to need something and that is what I am here for as their mom.  

     I have heard a lot of mom's use the term lazy incorrectly.  "I was lazy, because I let my kids in my bed last night."  "I was lazy, so we ordered pizza for dinner."  "I was lazy, I let my kids watch their tablets."   For goodness sake you are not lazy.  NO with a capital N-O!  Everyday, all day, we are pulled into a million different directions by kids, husbands, friends, families, bosses, neighbors, etc...  Therefore we all need to give ourselves a pass on the term lazy.  Moms are exhausted, not lazy.  Most people with kids don't even have the time to be lazy.  We are constantly emotionally and physically exhausted giving everything we have to our children, not lazy.  

     My mom got a new portable carpet scrubber.  It is weird when you are an adult and get excited over cleaning supplies.  However, I found myself in this exact situation.  My car had started to smell because one of my sweet angels had left an apple in the back seat for way too long.  I promptly borrowed my  mom's sweet new machine to scrub the carpet of my awesome 2012 Ford Flex.  The satisfaction of dumping out all of that gross black water was awesome.  The smell was gone, mission accomplished.  Earlier that day my husband had done the dishes.  I got a sudden urge of being ahead of the game so I decided to scrub my stairs with the new toy. As I reached the last stair that needed to be scrubbed I turned around to marvel at all my hard work.  The stairs looked brand new like the day we moved in.  I descended the stairs and saw my amazing toddler dump a whole box of goldfish onto the bottom stair and then start to step on them.  My heart sank.  My first thought was that all my hard work was ruined in a matter of seconds and I felt like crying.  My second thought was oh well at least it is still cleaner than it was before. 

  

     Sitting on the couch for a few binge shows doesn't mean you're lazy.  It means that you have been doing things all day and you just need to veg for a few hours.  Letting your kids sleep in your bed doesn't mean you're lazy.  It means that you are always up with the kids and letting them sleep in the bed is how you get a few extra hours of sleep so you can function tomorrow.  Ordering pizza for dinner doesn't mean that you're lazy.  It means you have literally made breakfast, lunch, and dinner everyday for 5 people and not preparing ONE meal sounds like a much needed break.  Letting your kids play with electronics doesn't mean you're lazy.  It means that you just need some time when nobody is touching you or asking you for stuff.  To be honest when they are watching their tablets they are usually still touching you.

    We all need to give ourselves a break.  I know that I will sleep a full eight hours when my kids no longer sleep here.  I have realized that my house can be clean when my kids are grown.  I will have the time to cook elaborate meals and it will just be me and my husband to eat them.  I will also be able to sit on the couch alone with no one to snuggle with me.  In this part of life everything you are doing is enough and perfectly perfect.  Just so you know there is no such thing as Lazy Mom because there is no such thing as a non-demanding child.  Celebrate the things you got done today even if you don't feel like it was enough.  I am here to tell you it is ALWAYS enough.

Measuring up Messy

     

       We are constantly ranked, scaled, judged, and compared in so many ways.  Not just as moms but as women and wives.  Unfortunately the same thing happens to our children.  If I put focus on arbitrary things of how the world measures my children I, as a mom, could do considerable harm to my little ladies.  I have decided to show my girls the importance of striving for the best and leaving the ranking to the rest.  If  a bad grade is received at school I will celebrate that grade because I will know the  hard work that was put in.  However, if a bad grade is received because they were slacking that will surely result in a punishment.  It is all about perspective not just the numbers that we are receiving.    

    When my oldest was 9 months old she was able to say "I love you."  At the time we did not know that was unusual.  Since she was our first baby we just assumed that it was normal for a baby to start talking in full sentences that early.  By the time she was 1 years old she was able to tell a waitress at a restaurant that she wanted chicken nuggets. The reason that I am telling you this is to make you aware of her verbal intelligence.  She has always been far ahead of the curve when it comes to reading or speaking.  Currently she is receiving the lowest score possible in her second grade class for literacy.  This grade is a result of her lack of talent in spelling.  My girl works so hard at spelling but just like her momma that skill does not come easily to her.   Everyday she writes each of her spelling words 5 times.  Everyday we quiz her on those spelling words.  Yet every Thursday she never gets any higher than a 13 out of 17 on her spelling test.  That translates to a child who is reading 250 page chapter books and is currently getting a 1 in literacy.  That school mark is not an accurate measure of her literary intelligence.  

     Children are measured on many things in life, not just grades.  My littlest lass recently had her 2 year old check up.  In our pediatrician's office that is the age when she goes from baby percentiles into BMI.  We are fortunate that our doctor does not put emphasis on the actual number but only the curve that each girl is currently on.  He focuses on if there is a jump or a drop which means he only measures my girls against themselves not other children.  Women are constantly judged on weight and other physical factors.  That has been the story since the beginning of time so I am not expecting to change it.  The only thing that I can do as a mother to 3 girls is change my ladies perceptions to external measurements.  Teaching my girls to use those external measurements as guidelines to score themselves against themselves.  I also want them to take all the factors into consideration not just a number. 

    Numbers do not carry any emotional weight in our house.  A number on the scale is the same as a number on a ruler.  If I use a measuring tape to measure a piece of wood it is the same as stepping on the scale to measure my progress by pounds.  I could work extremely hard dieting and working out and scale measurement might not reflect my effort.  I do not get discouraged and I make my girls aware of that when they ask me "What's the number?" if they see me on the scale.  I report the number like it is a normal measurement.  Grades, pounds, incomes, BMI, number of children, years of marriage, these are just a few ways that we are constantly compared.  Teaching my girls not to put any emotion into these measurements of the world is something that I take as one of my highest priorities.  Their self worth should be in their kindness not their size of clothing.  Their value should be in their work ethic not their amount of income.  Their happiness should be in the way they love others not in the number of friends they have.  Emotional reactions should be reserved for people and not numbers.  My girls are worth so much more than their measurements and so am I.         

My Messy Valentines

     I have never really celebrated Valentine's Day.  Even when I had boyfriends or I was a newlywed my perception was it was always a day of an unnecessary pressure.  Happily I usually just let the day pass without much fuss.  However, when my little ladies arrived my thoughts quickly changed about the Day of Love.  I cherished the idea that I had another day to show my girls how much I loved them.  My heart shaped cookie cutters are used for everything.  So many love notes and hearts are drawn on all the papers all day long.  Even the dog gets a cardboard heart shaped food dish from the little girls that love that Husky.  I love that on Valentine's Day I get extra kisses and hugs and get to use all kinds of special ways to show my ladies that I love them.

     When I was in college my friends and I called Valentine's day S.A.D. (Singles Awareness Day).  It was appropriate because on February 14th we all became extremely aware of who was single.  All of the attached women in the dorms would spend hours getting ready for their highly anticipated romantic plans.  The girls with suitors would wait eagerly for their dates to make their way up to the door and then be whisked away for Valentine events.  Meanwhile all the girls that were single would stay in sweatpants, order pizzas, and eat junk food straight out of the bags they came in.   Dateless girls would pick a movie and gather in the common area for a relaxing night with "no boys allowed" written on the door.  I always preferred the sweatpants and junk food kind of night. 

     Every year when Valentine's Day rolled around and I was without a boyfriend or a date it did not cause me any anguish.  However, many other girls did not feel the same.  It seemed like it was one of the days that always chipped away at the self worth of some of my amazing friends.  Boys who were attached probably had more pressure than most days but the single boys didn't seem to carry the same stigma as the single girls appeared to.  Single boys on February 14th seemed like they dodged a bullet while the single girls seemed to be in a leopard colony.  Now I am a mom raising 3 girls and I never want my ladies to feel like they are less than amazing.  Especially in February just because a boy doesn't take her out to dinner on the 14th.  I want all of my girls to see the love that is all around them and not focus on having a date on one specific day of the year.

     My husband and I have celebrated our love for each other every day for the last 10 years as if it were Valentines day.  Once we had our first little lady we took that day to celebrate our love for her.  Now that my girls are older I want to try and redefine the day as a celebration of family love instead of romantic love.  I am sure that when they get old they will notice the societal pressures of Valentines Day just as I did in college.  My hope is that our firm foundation of celebrating family love will allow them to celebrate all the kinds of love on this day and not just the romantic type.  

       Family love, Friendship love, Sisterly Love, Brotherly Love, Pet Love, and Self Love are just a few things that can be celebrated on Valentine's Day.  Romantic Love is not the only kind of love that should be held in the highest esteem for the day.  On a day about love we should try and celebrate all the kinds of loves that we have.  Showing my children all the Momma love that I can muster on this special day seems to be the best way for me to use Valentine's day for good.  Our house will be littered with paper hearts, every food prepared will be heart shaped, and I will say I LOVE YOU as many times as I can mange in a 24 hour period.  My little lassies will know without a doubt on Valentine's Day that they are always loved by their Momma.  

Messy is also Clean

        There is a common misconception that if your house is messy it means it is unclean.  I am here to tell you that could not be further from the truth.  I can vacuum and dust my entire living room and my kids have it messed up again in 10 minutes.  Just because toys are all over the floor does not negate the fact that the floor they are currently playing on is clean.  The only time I pick up my house is right before I clean.  My floor is only without clutter for the 10 minutes while I am vacuuming it.  If you have a toddler you know that you are constantly mopping up spills, vacuuming up crumbs, and wiping up counter spills.  I will venture to say that my house is actually more clean now then before I had children.  

     Before I had kids I had a laundry day.  Laundry was done once a week. Usually about 3 loads on Sunday for me and my husband.  Everything would be nicely put into the drawers or hung in the closet immediately after coming out of the dryer.  Now that I have kids I must do laundry everyday there are way too many clothes not to.  I can't even count the number of loads that I do but it is probably more like 3 loads a day.  Nothing is folded, nothing is nicely put away, and there are always clean clothes on the floor.  If I don't do laundry everyday I will be so behind that I will be drowning in clothes.  

     Before I had kids I mopped the floor once a week. Now I mop the floor everyday.  My toddler spills something on my hardwood floor at least everyday, sometimes 7 times a day.  The result of these massive kid messes makes me have to mop some area of my floors everyday, sometimes 7 times a day.  Depending on the amount of spillage the kitchen rag usually takes care of the affected area.  However, most days I have to bring out the big guns of the full mop system to get rid of the gross stickiness.  Sometimes I do give the kids bubbles to add a little extra soap to spill ratio.    

      Before I had kids I usually cleaned the bathrooms every 2 weeks. My toddler currently loves to "clean" toilets.  Which means in the 3 seconds that I am doing one of my many other chores she loves to take the toilet brush that sits behind the toilet and swish it around on the inside.  Yuck!  This new toddler's past time has required me to clean the toilets everyday just to make sure her unsanctioned play time is not grosser than it needs to be.

      Before I had kids I vacuumed all the carpets once a week.  Currently my vacuum is always out.  My kids are constantly spilling things that require the assistance of the vacuum.  Goldfish, animal crackers, chips, Cheetos, toast, pop-tarts, and saltines are just a few of the things that I vacuum up on a daily basis.  I hate when my husband puts the vacuum away.  I am literally constantly using that very helpful machine.

    If you walk into my house currently you will have a hard time finding a place to step that doesn't have a toy on it.  The shoes and coats are all over the front entryway which is also littered with hats, gloves, and scarves.  Blankets and pillows fill my living room from fort buildings past.  The coloring books, markers, and crayons are scattered all over the dining room table.  The toilet paper roll will not be nicely rolled up from a toddler play time.  Upstairs laundry baskets will be overflowing with clean and dirty clothes.  However, do not be deceived by appearances.  My house may look like a mess but I can assure you that it is clean.  If you come into my house one day later none of the "mess" will be in the same place.  My kids are constantly playing while making a mess and I am constantly cleaning up.  A clean house can also be a mess and that is perfect.