A Messy New Year

       

     My oldest daughter has always tried to stay up to see the ball drop on Dick Clark's Rockin' New Years Eve.  She usually falls asleep before they get to any of the special guests stars.  However, on December 31st 2018 she was able to make it work.  Long after her little sister and daddy had fallen fast asleep Audery and I put on our party hats.  We grabbed our noise makers and our sparkling grape juice in solo cups.  I could hear the excitement in Audery's voice as she counted down and watched the ball descend.  She had literally waited 6 years of her life to accomplish this one goal.  When we reached the number one and the ball exploded with lights she blew her noise maker and screamed.  I was so excited with her that I didn't even care if she woke up her sister and dad.  We hugged, kissed, and celebrated the arrival of the year 2019.  We sang Auld Lang Syne with none of the correct words but all of the love we could muster.  It was truly a celebration. 

    Despite all the curve balls our family has celebrated a lot this year.  My last baby turned one which was totally bitter sweet. Our sweet chubby Edna turned into a Tasmainan Devil toddler in the last year.  Eddie has discovered joy in her destruction.  My middle redhead has overcome so many of her borderline OCD challenges after some zoom sessions with a therapist.  Agatha has finally found a way to manage all her big emotions and anxieties.  She still has small setbacks but she has learned how to cope better than most adults in this situation.  My oldest started her long walk into puberty with hormonal sassiness and all.  Audery also dove head deep into the world or chapter books.  My husband and I got to have lunch together every day.  We got to hang out every night after the kids went to bed and we loved every minute of it.  Every new situation that was thrown at us we tackled like a champ and loved each other more because of it.

      We have done things this year that have been unexpected blessings.  Our family started bike riding and walking about three hundred percent more.  In the beginning of the pandemic our neighborhood put up window scavenger hunts for the kids.  A few months later my oldest decided to secretly teach herself to ride a bike.  She wanted to surprise her dad for Father's Day.  He was completely surprised and proud.  My middle redhead finally got her big girl Frozen bike that she wanted.  Her borderline OCD created a challenge for riding because she needed both training wheels on the ground at the same time.  After falling quite a few times she overcame that challenge and we were able to take a family bike ride to Dairy Queen.  My little girls were such champs that they were able to ride almost 4 miles round trip.

   My husband and I had to get creative about our recharge time.  We were with our lovely little ladies 24 hours a day 7 days a week with no break and no adult only time.  After the first few weeks of the lock down with no dates nights in sights we knew we needed some alone love time.  We started "Adventure Coffee" every weekend.  This is where we would try a new coffee every Saturday morning and see if we liked it.  We also started game night and movie night.  Every Friday was game night and we would stay up late, usually 10:30 pm, he played his video game and I knitted.  Every Saturday night we would have cuddle movie date night with a new cocktail.  We honestly had so much fun with these changes we probably will continue on even if we are able to go out for dates again.                 

      This year is going to be a different kind of celebration.  Just like my little girl back in 2019 we are all going to be so excited that we finally made it.  2020 has been a hard year for almost everyone.  I think everyone will be excited to see it gone.  However, I would like to acknowledge the accomplishments that we have all had this year. We have all had a lot of things thrown at us during this difficult year and we all made it through.  So make sure that you count your blessings before that ball drops and hold tight to the little and big people that helped you through this most unusual year.  Happy New Year!!

A Very Messy Christmas

     I was raised by a woman obsessed with Christmas.  Even now I think my mom has five Christmas trees in her house where only two people live.  My mother was so crazy about Christmas she had a collection of Santa Clauses that were displayed year round.  YEAR ROUND!  That means in June my friends could come to my house and see a bunch of jolly white bearded fat men staring them down.  365 days people would tenderly ask me if my parents forgot to take down our Christmas decorations.  One result of all this merriment was the invention of the Christmas Finger.  Similar to most families we all spend a lot of time together during the holidays.  November and December adds up to more togetherness than the whole rest of the months combined.  The middle Christmas finger is commonly used when you are trying to show your Christmas joy to one of the many relatives that are irritating you from across the room.  Displaying your Christmas Spirit can only be accomplished with showing the jolliest of all your digits, which is the middle one.

     Christmas this year has been hard for everyone.  I am sure that I am not the only one that is missing some of the joys that we have all taken for granted.  With COVID on the rise many of our traditional Christmas activities have been cancelled.  Every year we used to have "Breakfast With Baby Jesus"at my church.  The kids would dress up as a camel, a sheep, an angel, wise men, or a star and then get their picture taken with baby Jesus.  They would do crafts, sing carols, listen to stories, and eat pancakes.  Breakfast was cancelled this year.  Last year every time we drove past an outside nativity scene my kids would scream "BABY JESUS!!"  This year every time we drive past an outdoor nativity scene my 5 year old sadly says "Poor baby Jesus.  Nobody gets to have Breakfast with him.  Stupid Cornavirus."  

     Santa is a different experience this year too.  My husband and I always look forward to the toddler crying on Santa's lap picture.  Our toddlers torment us so much we feel this is a small amount of payback that brings us joy.  This year the girls visited with Santa behind Plexiglas.  They talked with him on the phone and sat in front of the glass to take the picture.  No screaming toddler because Santa was caged.  Apparently Santas are much less terrifying and way more jolly when they are sitting in a clear jail cell.  My girls did get to pet and feed Santa's non-caged reindeer.  The irony of 2020 knows no bounds.    

    However, despite all these changes it is still Christmas.  I still feel the joy in singing and dancing to Christmas songs with my kids.  We are still making cookies and gingerbread houses while eating way too many ingredients.   We are still hanging stockings and decking the halls.  Fred the elf is still flying around our house every night, unless my husband forgot something.  The Christmas movies are still in full swing and put on repeat.  Christmas lights are still the magic trick to get my kids to stop fighting in the car while driving around town.  Christmas has not been cancelled, it is just different.  As my kids get older our traditions will change.  My kids love decorating the tree now but when they get older they might not.  My toddler loves rearranging all of the decorations around the house now but when she gets older she might barely notice them.    All my girls see the magic in Christmas but when they grow they might only see the stress.  Christmas is different every year when you have kids and this year is just another kind of Christmas difference.  I still see the joy, I still see the magic, and I still see the Promise.  Merry Christmas because it is still a Wonderful Christmas!  

An Organized Mess

     I love The Home Edit.  Clea and Joanna are magical.  I seriously binged watched the whole show on Netflix the week it came out.  I have not read their book because I am a mom of three needy girls.  I actually haven't read any books lately except for audio books.  Following them on social media allows me to dream of the future possibilities.  I have tried to do a million things to organize my kids stuff.  The problem is any organizational system will not work if NOBODY USES IT!  When I am the only one using my well thought out regulatory structures it just creates another thing that I have to clean up.  I have labeled, sorted, edited, downsized, categorized, and organized until my fingers are bleeding.  Every person in the house has a box to put their shoes, yet somehow we can never find shoes.  Each kid has a distinct coat rack with 3 prongs on each hanger, yet we can never find a coat or a mask.  All the winter wear has nicely labeled totes for hats, scarves, and gloves, yet we can never find any of these items when the temperature drops.

     I have three girls that are constantly growing out of three different sizes of clothing.  Most of my life is laundry and clothes sorting.  Clothing my children consists of constantly pulling the smaller size out of their drawers and putting in the new larger sizes.  I am drowning under totes and laundry baskets of clothes that no longer fit but need to be saved for the next little lady.   Since I have 3 girls my basement is currently full of containers with girl clothes.  Someday they will all be sharing clothes and I won't have to save anymore sizes.  There will be much more room in our basement for activities that my husband and I enjoy instead of just girl clothes. 

     It is physically impossible for one person to pick up after the 5 people that live here.  That is just good math.  I try my best but cannot keep up.  Too many people live here and those people have too much stuff.  I chose not to waste my children's tiny years constantly picking up toys, shoes, coats, etc.  On the off weekend that I make my two older children clean their rooms it literally takes the whole weekend.  It would take me an hour to clean both of their rooms.  However, standing over them and making them do it takes about 36 hours.  I keep telling myself that it will be better for them in the long run and hopefully it won't kill me in the process.  

     Marie Kondo wrote a book called "Spark Joy".  The instructions are to get rid of things that do not bring you genuine happiness.  None of my kids' toys or clothes spark my joy.  However, it gives my kids something to play with while I am trying to get other things done.   If I tried to get my kids involved it would be even worse.  My 5 year old has a tough time parting with a half eaten sandwich.  The other day she asked me to trim her hair.  I was unable to sweep up the hair clippings because she wanted to save them all in a box.  In her 5 year old brain everything is sparking her joy.  

     No doubt that organization will be easier to use as the kids get older.  Hopefully they will be able to find a matching pair of shoes and a coat in the morning.  Maybe things will actually stay where I put them, but I feel like that is asking a lot.  If not I will continue to be the mom that rattles off the list of things they need for school in the morning.  I will do my best to make sure they are prepared for their day while they are running out the door to catch the bus.  It is one of the many things I am happy to do because I love them even if they are all a mess.  

Teeth is a Messy Business

     For the last eight years we have been dealing with some kind of teeth stage.  Starting with teething, moving to the tooth fairy, and the next stage will probably be braces. When my first child was 6 weeks old we took her to the pediatrician because we thought something was wrong.  Our doctor told us she is fine but she is getting two teeth.  I shockingly said "Is that normal?!?!  She just came out of my vagina."  She told us that some babies are actually born with teeth and it wasn't out of the ordinary for kids to start teething this early.   Why are teeth a constant part of our lives?  Why are we never able to escape the mess and the pain that accompany all those little chompers?

     My toddler is currently getting her 2 year molars.  This translates to less sleep for her which means less sleep for me.  More pain cries from her which means more heart hurts for me.  The worst part is that we are helpless to make anything better.  Much like a lot of childhood there is nothing that we as parents can do to take away the pain.  Sure we can give them drugs to alleviate some of the discomforts but we cannot heal them completely.  The only way the pain will stop is to get through the hurt.  Teething is one of the first times we as parents are helpless to our children's pain. It is a good learning experience. 

    Losing teeth is a different kind of mess.  The blood, the wiggling, and the pieces of their mouths falling out just to name a few.  Not to mention the messiness of being the tooth fairy.  Being out of cash, falling asleep before exchanging the tooth, or losing a tooth while out of town all add to the messiness that is teeth.  That same little girl who got her first teeth at 8 weeks lost her first tooth at 4 years old.  I was again shocked because it seemed so early.  The dentist informed us that the earlier they get teeth means the earlier they lose them.  As a result by the time my sweet little girl was in kindergarten she had lost most of her teeth while her contemporaries had not lost any.  On the reverse side my current 5 year old has not lost any teeth and is dying too.  She laments constantly that she has no money because the tooth fairy has not come for her yet.  She tries to wiggle and pull out her teeth all the time.  

     When those adult teeth finally do come in the mess does not stop.  Braces and cavities are some of the next steps.  I learned about silver teeth which my oldest now has a few.  Constant fighting about brushing leads to cavities.  Buying fancy toothbrushes and toothpastes does not make the brushing war easier.  The apps for teeth brushing just mean my kids are watching their tablets instead of brushing their teeth.  My middle child has such bad morning breath that the smell has actually woken me up.  Braces are definitely in our near future and the brushing war is only going to get worse.  There is not enough room in that small mouths for all the big adult teeth that my oldest is currently getting.  Apparently braces are cool now and she is dying to get them.  I don't know if she will still feel that way when the time actually comes but it is nice for now. 

     The messiness of teeth has taught me a lot of things as a parent.  When they were babies and teething I hated that my babies had discomfort and there was nothing I could do about it.  I knew they had to go through the pain and get to the other side.  Helplessly all I could do was try to give as much comfort as possible and pray that their agony would soon pass.  As my girls get older the lessons I learned during their teething have served me well.  I cannot stop my children from experiencing strife, although I wish I could.  Suffering is something we all must go through and get to the other side.  I will try to provide comfort during their pain, but I can't take it away.  I will love them fiercely through their pain, but I can't take it away.  And I will reassure them the pain will pass, but I can't take it away.    

   

Necessity is the Mess of Invention

     "Necessity is the mother of invention" is an old English proverb.  This proverb is never more true than it is with parenthood.  Parents are geniuses.  When parents have to do too many things at once (which is all the time) they invent something to make their lives easier.  Inevitably they also pass these inventions onto other parents that are struggling with the same thing.  There are so many things that we can point to as examples of all of this.  Car seats, baby swings, bouncers, walkers, and even sippy cup technology have all been improved through the ingenuity of amazing parents.  These parents knew they could do it better and so they did.  They saw a problem and created a solution because that is what parents do everyday.

   Car seats have become an amazing place to witness these innovations.  The first car seat was invented in 1962.  This was long before they were required for car riding tots.  I remember in the 1980s my parents had one car seat between 3 children under the age of 4.  Rarely was my youngest sister the one using the safety seat because my brother and I saw it as a toy. Once car seats became a requirement by law parents went to work on improvements.  Children's car seats became lighter and safer almost in the blink of an eye.  In the last eight years they have made better clicking anchors and even removable cup holders for easy dishwasher cleaning.  Safer and more convenient should be the motto of all parental ideas.

    Babies have always been the most demanding of creatures so finding a place to put the baby has always been a great help to all parents.  Swings, Walkers, Mats, Bouncers, Boppy Pillows, and Bumbos just to name a few baby contraptions.  Not to mention baby wearing such as backpacks, slings, and wraps that all give parents the much needed use of their hands back.  These tiniest of demanding humans have inspired so much creativity among their larger adult counterparts.  Parents still need to get things done so freeing up our hands and having a safe place to put the needy wee babe is not a luxury, it is a necessity.     

    When I only had one child I bought fancy sippy cups.  At the time I thought, this is a good investment for my future kids.  Oh how I was wrong.  Speaking as a mom of 3 crazy girls,  sippy cups did not stand the test of time.  They get gross, or kids lose them and they start growing stuff.  I can't even count the amount of times I have run them over with the car or the stroller.  Not to mention those genius parents have also majorly improved on sippy cup technology.  They now have these amazing new sippy cups can be  drunk from of all sides.  The first time I saw a child drink out of one of these cups it seemed like witchcraft.  The sippy cups from 8 years ago look like they were made for cavemen in comparison.

     I look forward to seeing the new things that parents create.  Already they have designed swings and bouncers that can be controlled with a cell phone.  Maybe flying seats will be next so parents no longer have to hurt our arms and back from leaning down to pick up our little joys.  Or a never crumby car seat.  Or a sippy cup that automatically refills and never spills.  Expect no matter how many things parents invent I am confident that kids will always find a way to make a mess.  My kids are under the impression that it is their job to always cause chaos and unfortunately no amount of ingenuity can fix that messy dilemma.