Fruit is healthy. Fruit is a great sugary substitute for your children. Fruit is a nicely balanced snack alternative. I am sure we have all heard these common drones from pediatricians and parenting experts. These very smart people have studied a massive amount of research on what is best for my children. However, they failed to tell me one thing about this amazing fruit. It is super gross when kids actually eat it.
Bananas are one of my kids' favorites. My husband has to actually hide his bananas because if the kids see them they will be gone in a matter of minutes. When my littlest is sick it is hard to tell the difference between banana smear and actual snot from her runny nose. Both need to be wiped with a wet wipe so I guess it doesn't matter.
Apples are a portable fruit that was literally designed by the devil. If I give my kid an apple they never eat the whole thing and then it becomes a scavenger hunt for the remains. Heaven forbid I lose track of one that the children snagged for themselves. Inevitably I will find it weeks later blackened and mushy under the couch. This happens more often than I would like to admit. The car is the other place where the carcass of apples love to hide. My sweet Eddie loves them so much she calls them "Happles." At her toddling age of 20 months she can already recognize that apples make her happy.
Grapes are usually a commodity in this house. However, in the off chance that they are on sale, the grapes are either gone in 10 minutes or rot off the vine. Not to mention how much anxiety it gives me. There are so many stories about kids choking on grapes. My 8 year old eats them right out of the bag so there is no time to cut them. Luckily I am still able to slice the grapes to bite size for my other two little bitties.
Oranges/Clementines are great until my toddler decides to eat four of them at one time. I love that she finds joy in this tiny round fruit. However, I don't love the diaper devastation that is to follow her "Cutie" bender. The "Halos" are worse because of the tantrum my 1 year old throws when I cut her off from the sugary goods that she has come to expect. The pediatrician also told us that peeling this fruit is good for children developing dexterity. The wise doctors failed to explain that if the kids peel their own orange that means the peels will be found weeks later.
Strawberries are my redhead's favorite food. My kids get treats when they are good at the grocery store. The other two always ask for cookies while my redheaded Agatha always asks for strawberries. I planted a strawberry field in our raised garden bed for her benefit this year. Unfortunately that birds in our wooded backyard enjoyed more of the strawberries off the vine than Aggie did. We still continue to tell her that her hair is red due to her strawberry intake.
Watermelon is a summer time favorite for my girls. This massively juicy fruit must be eaten outside. Otherwise I will have to mop the entire floor to keep the ants away. In the summer time the ants love to follow my wee ones watermelon path. Honestly the ants love all the places where my children tread.
Years ago my husband and I watched a show called "Raising Hope." In this show they told their son he was allergic to fruit. My husband and I have considered this tactic with our little gremlins. All this fruit is amazing and gross. Sometimes I feel like my husband and I are running a restaurant. I will say things to him like "Push the Grapes" for a snack. Grossly I find blackened, squishy, and rotted fruit in the most obscure places. My kids like fruit more than candy in most cases. One time I brought home Reese's Pumpkins after Halloween and my kids were more excited about the bag of Clementines. Therefore, I will keep buying and throwing away all the fruit. If it makes them happy, it can't be that bad.
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