In late 2015 I had a very demanding newborn and a newly 3 year old. Often I allowed my oldest Audery to pick her own outfit for preschool. One day we showed up to drop off with Audery wearing an outfit of her own choosing. It was a princess dress with long sleeves and long pants underneath (for weather reasons), five bracelets, one necklace, and tiara headband. The small fight for long sleeves and long pants took almost all of my remaining energy for the day and it was 8:30 am.
Parents and kids would gather in the hallway outside the preschool room and wait for the teachers to open the doors. One of the little girls in the hall was exquisitely dressed, her beautiful blonde hair was actually curled with a curling iron. I was super impressed. If I ever tried to curl Audery's hair both of us would end up burned. That particular day I was just happy to be walking upright and at school on time. The mom of the well dressed little girl looked at me with sadness and pity in her eyes and said "I think it is so brave that you let Audery wear whatever she wants everyday. I could never leave the house with my child looking like that." I was completely taken aback. My first reaction was hurt and then I was angry. Why was she shaming me? Didn't she understand that I was doing the best I could? Didn't she see how happy and proud the princess dress and loads of accessories made Audery? No she did not see any of those things. Normally I would have reacted in a negative way, but I was taught to "kill them with kindness." So instead of a throat punch I just smiled and said, "Thank you."
As soon as my girls started having opinions about what to wear I decided it was not an argument I wanted to have. Fashion is a form of individual expression for them. I didn't know it was "brave" to let my daughters pick out their own clothing. In my mind I am building confidence and helping to encourage their own self expression. Yelling at my children to wear certain clothes is not the hill I am going to die. Battling with my children to be kind people, is a fight I will take on every day.
Audery has now become somewhat of a trendsetter at her elementary school. Last year, in first grade, she started wearing a choker necklace that I used to wear in high school. By the end of the year all of the girls in her class were wearing choker necklaces. Now my super confident fashionista second grader decided that she was going to wear scrunchies on her ankle instead of her wrist. I know half of her class has already started copying her behavior. Last week she started wearing leggings under her jean shorts. It is only a matter of time before her friends are doing the same all winter. All my girls need to have as many creative outlets as possible, including what they are wearing. My style does not have to be their style. My mother's style is not my style. We all feel confident in different clothes.
An amazing pediatrician named Dr. Chrissy Adams gave me the best advice when Audery was two weeks old, that I have tried to live by. Dr. Adams said "If you are trying to parent for everybody else you will always fail your child." Truer words have never been spoken to me. If I try to make my children conform to what other people think I should be doing we will always be miserable. Therefore, I will choose to be the best mommy to my strong willed girls. Maybe someday my children will change society norms for the better and make this crazy world a more exceptional place. Until that day I am going to encourage my three fabulous daughters to march to the beat of their own drum. I am going to try to support them in all their endeavors and give my little ladies the confidence to change the things in the world that they think need to be changed. Because I am their momma and I know they can literally do anything!
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