A Messy New Year

       

     My oldest daughter has always tried to stay up to see the ball drop on Dick Clark's Rockin' New Years Eve.  She usually falls asleep before they get to any of the special guests stars.  However, on December 31st 2018 she was able to make it work.  Long after her little sister and daddy had fallen fast asleep Audery and I put on our party hats.  We grabbed our noise makers and our sparkling grape juice in solo cups.  I could hear the excitement in Audery's voice as she counted down and watched the ball descend.  She had literally waited 6 years of her life to accomplish this one goal.  When we reached the number one and the ball exploded with lights she blew her noise maker and screamed.  I was so excited with her that I didn't even care if she woke up her sister and dad.  We hugged, kissed, and celebrated the arrival of the year 2019.  We sang Auld Lang Syne with none of the correct words but all of the love we could muster.  It was truly a celebration. 

    Despite all the curve balls our family has celebrated a lot this year.  My last baby turned one which was totally bitter sweet. Our sweet chubby Edna turned into a Tasmainan Devil toddler in the last year.  Eddie has discovered joy in her destruction.  My middle redhead has overcome so many of her borderline OCD challenges after some zoom sessions with a therapist.  Agatha has finally found a way to manage all her big emotions and anxieties.  She still has small setbacks but she has learned how to cope better than most adults in this situation.  My oldest started her long walk into puberty with hormonal sassiness and all.  Audery also dove head deep into the world or chapter books.  My husband and I got to have lunch together every day.  We got to hang out every night after the kids went to bed and we loved every minute of it.  Every new situation that was thrown at us we tackled like a champ and loved each other more because of it.

      We have done things this year that have been unexpected blessings.  Our family started bike riding and walking about three hundred percent more.  In the beginning of the pandemic our neighborhood put up window scavenger hunts for the kids.  A few months later my oldest decided to secretly teach herself to ride a bike.  She wanted to surprise her dad for Father's Day.  He was completely surprised and proud.  My middle redhead finally got her big girl Frozen bike that she wanted.  Her borderline OCD created a challenge for riding because she needed both training wheels on the ground at the same time.  After falling quite a few times she overcame that challenge and we were able to take a family bike ride to Dairy Queen.  My little girls were such champs that they were able to ride almost 4 miles round trip.

   My husband and I had to get creative about our recharge time.  We were with our lovely little ladies 24 hours a day 7 days a week with no break and no adult only time.  After the first few weeks of the lock down with no dates nights in sights we knew we needed some alone love time.  We started "Adventure Coffee" every weekend.  This is where we would try a new coffee every Saturday morning and see if we liked it.  We also started game night and movie night.  Every Friday was game night and we would stay up late, usually 10:30 pm, he played his video game and I knitted.  Every Saturday night we would have cuddle movie date night with a new cocktail.  We honestly had so much fun with these changes we probably will continue on even if we are able to go out for dates again.                 

      This year is going to be a different kind of celebration.  Just like my little girl back in 2019 we are all going to be so excited that we finally made it.  2020 has been a hard year for almost everyone.  I think everyone will be excited to see it gone.  However, I would like to acknowledge the accomplishments that we have all had this year. We have all had a lot of things thrown at us during this difficult year and we all made it through.  So make sure that you count your blessings before that ball drops and hold tight to the little and big people that helped you through this most unusual year.  Happy New Year!!

A Very Messy Christmas

     I was raised by a woman obsessed with Christmas.  Even now I think my mom has five Christmas trees in her house where only two people live.  My mother was so crazy about Christmas she had a collection of Santa Clauses that were displayed year round.  YEAR ROUND!  That means in June my friends could come to my house and see a bunch of jolly white bearded fat men staring them down.  365 days people would tenderly ask me if my parents forgot to take down our Christmas decorations.  One result of all this merriment was the invention of the Christmas Finger.  Similar to most families we all spend a lot of time together during the holidays.  November and December adds up to more togetherness than the whole rest of the months combined.  The middle Christmas finger is commonly used when you are trying to show your Christmas joy to one of the many relatives that are irritating you from across the room.  Displaying your Christmas Spirit can only be accomplished with showing the jolliest of all your digits, which is the middle one.

     Christmas this year has been hard for everyone.  I am sure that I am not the only one that is missing some of the joys that we have all taken for granted.  With COVID on the rise many of our traditional Christmas activities have been cancelled.  Every year we used to have "Breakfast With Baby Jesus"at my church.  The kids would dress up as a camel, a sheep, an angel, wise men, or a star and then get their picture taken with baby Jesus.  They would do crafts, sing carols, listen to stories, and eat pancakes.  Breakfast was cancelled this year.  Last year every time we drove past an outside nativity scene my kids would scream "BABY JESUS!!"  This year every time we drive past an outdoor nativity scene my 5 year old sadly says "Poor baby Jesus.  Nobody gets to have Breakfast with him.  Stupid Cornavirus."  

     Santa is a different experience this year too.  My husband and I always look forward to the toddler crying on Santa's lap picture.  Our toddlers torment us so much we feel this is a small amount of payback that brings us joy.  This year the girls visited with Santa behind Plexiglas.  They talked with him on the phone and sat in front of the glass to take the picture.  No screaming toddler because Santa was caged.  Apparently Santas are much less terrifying and way more jolly when they are sitting in a clear jail cell.  My girls did get to pet and feed Santa's non-caged reindeer.  The irony of 2020 knows no bounds.    

    However, despite all these changes it is still Christmas.  I still feel the joy in singing and dancing to Christmas songs with my kids.  We are still making cookies and gingerbread houses while eating way too many ingredients.   We are still hanging stockings and decking the halls.  Fred the elf is still flying around our house every night, unless my husband forgot something.  The Christmas movies are still in full swing and put on repeat.  Christmas lights are still the magic trick to get my kids to stop fighting in the car while driving around town.  Christmas has not been cancelled, it is just different.  As my kids get older our traditions will change.  My kids love decorating the tree now but when they get older they might not.  My toddler loves rearranging all of the decorations around the house now but when she gets older she might barely notice them.    All my girls see the magic in Christmas but when they grow they might only see the stress.  Christmas is different every year when you have kids and this year is just another kind of Christmas difference.  I still see the joy, I still see the magic, and I still see the Promise.  Merry Christmas because it is still a Wonderful Christmas!  

An Organized Mess

     I love The Home Edit.  Clea and Joanna are magical.  I seriously binged watched the whole show on Netflix the week it came out.  I have not read their book because I am a mom of three needy girls.  I actually haven't read any books lately except for audio books.  Following them on social media allows me to dream of the future possibilities.  I have tried to do a million things to organize my kids stuff.  The problem is any organizational system will not work if NOBODY USES IT!  When I am the only one using my well thought out regulatory structures it just creates another thing that I have to clean up.  I have labeled, sorted, edited, downsized, categorized, and organized until my fingers are bleeding.  Every person in the house has a box to put their shoes, yet somehow we can never find shoes.  Each kid has a distinct coat rack with 3 prongs on each hanger, yet we can never find a coat or a mask.  All the winter wear has nicely labeled totes for hats, scarves, and gloves, yet we can never find any of these items when the temperature drops.

     I have three girls that are constantly growing out of three different sizes of clothing.  Most of my life is laundry and clothes sorting.  Clothing my children consists of constantly pulling the smaller size out of their drawers and putting in the new larger sizes.  I am drowning under totes and laundry baskets of clothes that no longer fit but need to be saved for the next little lady.   Since I have 3 girls my basement is currently full of containers with girl clothes.  Someday they will all be sharing clothes and I won't have to save anymore sizes.  There will be much more room in our basement for activities that my husband and I enjoy instead of just girl clothes. 

     It is physically impossible for one person to pick up after the 5 people that live here.  That is just good math.  I try my best but cannot keep up.  Too many people live here and those people have too much stuff.  I chose not to waste my children's tiny years constantly picking up toys, shoes, coats, etc.  On the off weekend that I make my two older children clean their rooms it literally takes the whole weekend.  It would take me an hour to clean both of their rooms.  However, standing over them and making them do it takes about 36 hours.  I keep telling myself that it will be better for them in the long run and hopefully it won't kill me in the process.  

     Marie Kondo wrote a book called "Spark Joy".  The instructions are to get rid of things that do not bring you genuine happiness.  None of my kids' toys or clothes spark my joy.  However, it gives my kids something to play with while I am trying to get other things done.   If I tried to get my kids involved it would be even worse.  My 5 year old has a tough time parting with a half eaten sandwich.  The other day she asked me to trim her hair.  I was unable to sweep up the hair clippings because she wanted to save them all in a box.  In her 5 year old brain everything is sparking her joy.  

     No doubt that organization will be easier to use as the kids get older.  Hopefully they will be able to find a matching pair of shoes and a coat in the morning.  Maybe things will actually stay where I put them, but I feel like that is asking a lot.  If not I will continue to be the mom that rattles off the list of things they need for school in the morning.  I will do my best to make sure they are prepared for their day while they are running out the door to catch the bus.  It is one of the many things I am happy to do because I love them even if they are all a mess.  

Teeth is a Messy Business

     For the last eight years we have been dealing with some kind of teeth stage.  Starting with teething, moving to the tooth fairy, and the next stage will probably be braces. When my first child was 6 weeks old we took her to the pediatrician because we thought something was wrong.  Our doctor told us she is fine but she is getting two teeth.  I shockingly said "Is that normal?!?!  She just came out of my vagina."  She told us that some babies are actually born with teeth and it wasn't out of the ordinary for kids to start teething this early.   Why are teeth a constant part of our lives?  Why are we never able to escape the mess and the pain that accompany all those little chompers?

     My toddler is currently getting her 2 year molars.  This translates to less sleep for her which means less sleep for me.  More pain cries from her which means more heart hurts for me.  The worst part is that we are helpless to make anything better.  Much like a lot of childhood there is nothing that we as parents can do to take away the pain.  Sure we can give them drugs to alleviate some of the discomforts but we cannot heal them completely.  The only way the pain will stop is to get through the hurt.  Teething is one of the first times we as parents are helpless to our children's pain. It is a good learning experience. 

    Losing teeth is a different kind of mess.  The blood, the wiggling, and the pieces of their mouths falling out just to name a few.  Not to mention the messiness of being the tooth fairy.  Being out of cash, falling asleep before exchanging the tooth, or losing a tooth while out of town all add to the messiness that is teeth.  That same little girl who got her first teeth at 8 weeks lost her first tooth at 4 years old.  I was again shocked because it seemed so early.  The dentist informed us that the earlier they get teeth means the earlier they lose them.  As a result by the time my sweet little girl was in kindergarten she had lost most of her teeth while her contemporaries had not lost any.  On the reverse side my current 5 year old has not lost any teeth and is dying too.  She laments constantly that she has no money because the tooth fairy has not come for her yet.  She tries to wiggle and pull out her teeth all the time.  

     When those adult teeth finally do come in the mess does not stop.  Braces and cavities are some of the next steps.  I learned about silver teeth which my oldest now has a few.  Constant fighting about brushing leads to cavities.  Buying fancy toothbrushes and toothpastes does not make the brushing war easier.  The apps for teeth brushing just mean my kids are watching their tablets instead of brushing their teeth.  My middle child has such bad morning breath that the smell has actually woken me up.  Braces are definitely in our near future and the brushing war is only going to get worse.  There is not enough room in that small mouths for all the big adult teeth that my oldest is currently getting.  Apparently braces are cool now and she is dying to get them.  I don't know if she will still feel that way when the time actually comes but it is nice for now. 

     The messiness of teeth has taught me a lot of things as a parent.  When they were babies and teething I hated that my babies had discomfort and there was nothing I could do about it.  I knew they had to go through the pain and get to the other side.  Helplessly all I could do was try to give as much comfort as possible and pray that their agony would soon pass.  As my girls get older the lessons I learned during their teething have served me well.  I cannot stop my children from experiencing strife, although I wish I could.  Suffering is something we all must go through and get to the other side.  I will try to provide comfort during their pain, but I can't take it away.  I will love them fiercely through their pain, but I can't take it away.  And I will reassure them the pain will pass, but I can't take it away.    

   

Necessity is the Mess of Invention

     "Necessity is the mother of invention" is an old English proverb.  This proverb is never more true than it is with parenthood.  Parents are geniuses.  When parents have to do too many things at once (which is all the time) they invent something to make their lives easier.  Inevitably they also pass these inventions onto other parents that are struggling with the same thing.  There are so many things that we can point to as examples of all of this.  Car seats, baby swings, bouncers, walkers, and even sippy cup technology have all been improved through the ingenuity of amazing parents.  These parents knew they could do it better and so they did.  They saw a problem and created a solution because that is what parents do everyday.

   Car seats have become an amazing place to witness these innovations.  The first car seat was invented in 1962.  This was long before they were required for car riding tots.  I remember in the 1980s my parents had one car seat between 3 children under the age of 4.  Rarely was my youngest sister the one using the safety seat because my brother and I saw it as a toy. Once car seats became a requirement by law parents went to work on improvements.  Children's car seats became lighter and safer almost in the blink of an eye.  In the last eight years they have made better clicking anchors and even removable cup holders for easy dishwasher cleaning.  Safer and more convenient should be the motto of all parental ideas.

    Babies have always been the most demanding of creatures so finding a place to put the baby has always been a great help to all parents.  Swings, Walkers, Mats, Bouncers, Boppy Pillows, and Bumbos just to name a few baby contraptions.  Not to mention baby wearing such as backpacks, slings, and wraps that all give parents the much needed use of their hands back.  These tiniest of demanding humans have inspired so much creativity among their larger adult counterparts.  Parents still need to get things done so freeing up our hands and having a safe place to put the needy wee babe is not a luxury, it is a necessity.     

    When I only had one child I bought fancy sippy cups.  At the time I thought, this is a good investment for my future kids.  Oh how I was wrong.  Speaking as a mom of 3 crazy girls,  sippy cups did not stand the test of time.  They get gross, or kids lose them and they start growing stuff.  I can't even count the amount of times I have run them over with the car or the stroller.  Not to mention those genius parents have also majorly improved on sippy cup technology.  They now have these amazing new sippy cups can be  drunk from of all sides.  The first time I saw a child drink out of one of these cups it seemed like witchcraft.  The sippy cups from 8 years ago look like they were made for cavemen in comparison.

     I look forward to seeing the new things that parents create.  Already they have designed swings and bouncers that can be controlled with a cell phone.  Maybe flying seats will be next so parents no longer have to hurt our arms and back from leaning down to pick up our little joys.  Or a never crumby car seat.  Or a sippy cup that automatically refills and never spills.  Expect no matter how many things parents invent I am confident that kids will always find a way to make a mess.  My kids are under the impression that it is their job to always cause chaos and unfortunately no amount of ingenuity can fix that messy dilemma.

Thankful for the Mess

     

 

     I am beyond thankful that nothing in my life has turned out the way I imagined.  Years ago when I pictured myself having kids and being married it was like "playing house".  I dreamed of putting the baby dolls in the crib for a nap.  I imagined making homemade sand pies that were cooling on the window in the fake kitchen.  I envisioned sitting around the dinner table nicely conversing with my stuffed animal family about our days.  Reality is so much better than I have ever dreamed it to be.

     My babies did not fall asleep after nicely tucking them into their cribs each night.  Yes, this would have provided me with much more sleep as a mom.  However, I am thankful they didn't because I would have missed out on so many things.  The feeling of rocking them and singing songs to them.  Even now I tell my older girls what their favorite songs were when they were babies.  The feeling of my tired babies relaxing into me in the middle of the night because all they needed was to be close to me.  The amazing and slightly annoying way that they still ninja crawl under my blankets in the middle of the night and snuggle up next to me.  Reality is so much better.

    Pies have never been cooling in any of my windows.  Yes, it would have been lovely to have fresh baked goods for my kids especially since I love baking.  However, I'm thankful that I haven't taken any time away from my family by focusing on baked goods.  There have been times that I have baked with my little ladies. After these bonding baking experiences it takes me about 2 hours to clean the kitchen. It was unimaginable the delight that my children would get from just stirring.  Even if they are only making  a lemonade mix, that stirring gives them so much happiness and pride.  They will proceed to tell everyone they encounter about the delicious lemonade they made.  Reality is so much better.

     Nobody is ever nicely sitting around the dinner table.  Yes, it would be nice if everyone used a fork, had a napkin, and stayed in their seats.  However, I am so thankful for the chaos that comes with our family dinners.  My kids feel free to tell us anything which gives me so much joy.  My independent women have no trouble speaking their minds and telling me or my husband that they don't like the dinner we have prepared.  They share details about their days and often jump out of their seats with excitement.  Usually we experience dancing routines and singing of original songs in between bites.  Something always gets spilled or dropped on the floor but there are always extra napkins on the table to accommodate.  Reality is so much better.

   My crazy life is so much better than I could have ever imagined. I never dreamed if I just opened up my arms a chubby little toddler would run and fall into me.  I never dreamed that my bed and my heart would be totally full with little arms and legs on top of me. I never dreamed the amount of loud giggling, squealing, and screaming would be so melodious to me.  Although nothing has turned out the way that I expected it to be, everything has exceeded my wildest dreams. For all that and so much more I am so very Thankful!  Happy Thanksgiving!

Fruity Mess

 

     Fruit is healthy.  Fruit is a great sugary substitute for your children.  Fruit is a nicely balanced snack alternative.  I am sure we have all heard these common drones from pediatricians and parenting experts.  These very smart people have studied a massive amount of research on what is best for my children.  However, they failed to tell me one thing about this amazing fruit.  It is super gross when kids actually eat it. 

     Bananas are one of my kids' favorites.  My husband has to actually hide his bananas because if the kids see them they will be gone in a matter of minutes.  When my littlest is sick it is hard to tell the difference between banana smear and actual snot from her runny nose.  Both need to be wiped with a wet wipe so I guess it doesn't matter.  

     Apples are a portable fruit that was literally designed by the devil.  If I give my kid an apple they never eat the whole thing and then it becomes a scavenger hunt for the remains.  Heaven forbid I lose track of one that the children snagged for themselves. Inevitably I will find it weeks later blackened and mushy under the couch.  This happens more often than I would like to admit.  The car is the other place where the carcass of apples love to hide.  My sweet Eddie loves them so much she calls them "Happles."  At her toddling age of 20 months she can already recognize that apples make her happy.  

     Grapes are usually a commodity in this house.  However, in the off chance that they are on sale, the grapes are either gone in 10 minutes or rot off the vine.  Not to mention how much anxiety it gives me.  There are so many stories about kids choking on grapes.  My 8 year old eats them right out of the bag so there is no time to cut them.  Luckily I am still able to slice the grapes to bite size for my other two little bitties.  

     Oranges/Clementines are great until my toddler decides to eat four of them at one time.  I love that she finds joy in this tiny round fruit.  However, I don't love the diaper devastation that is to follow her "Cutie" bender. The "Halos" are worse because of the tantrum my 1 year old throws when I cut her off from the sugary goods that she has come to expect.  The pediatrician also told us that peeling this fruit is good for children developing dexterity.  The wise doctors failed to explain that if the kids peel their own orange that means the peels will be found weeks later.      

      Strawberries are my redhead's favorite food.  My kids get treats when they are good at the grocery store.  The other two always ask for cookies while my redheaded Agatha always asks for strawberries.  I planted a strawberry field in our raised garden bed for her benefit this year.  Unfortunately that birds in our wooded backyard enjoyed more of the strawberries off the vine than Aggie did.  We still continue to tell her that her hair is red due to her strawberry intake.  

      Watermelon is a summer time favorite for my girls.  This massively juicy fruit must be eaten outside.  Otherwise I will have to mop the entire floor to keep the ants away.  In the summer time the ants love to follow my wee ones watermelon path.  Honestly the ants love all the places where my children tread.

      Years ago my husband and I watched a show called "Raising Hope."  In this show they told their son he was allergic to fruit.  My husband and I have considered this tactic with our little gremlins.  All this fruit is amazing and gross.  Sometimes I feel like my husband and I are running a restaurant.  I will say things to him like "Push the Grapes" for a snack.  Grossly I find blackened, squishy, and rotted fruit in the most obscure places.  My kids like fruit more than candy in most cases.  One time I brought home Reese's Pumpkins after Halloween and my kids were more excited about the bag of Clementines.  Therefore, I will keep buying and throwing away all the fruit.  If it makes them happy, it can't be that bad. 

Messy Breastfeeding vs Messy Bottle Feeding

 

    Everybody is always arguing which is better Breastfeeding or Bottle Feeding.  I am here to tell you the answer.  Yes, breastfeeding is best.  Yes, bottle feeding is best.  Yes, pumping is best. Yes, whatever you have to do to feed your baby is best.  Yes, it is hard no matter what path you decide to take.  Yes, as long as your baby is fed it is good.  Yes, as long as you are doing whatever you need to make you more of a sane mom is great.

     When my first little lady was born it took a little time to fall into a breastfeeding rhythm.  Once we did it was awesome for us.  For me and Audery the bonding was amazing.  We loved breastfeeding, the price was free, and I conveniently always had a boob available for her.  That was my experience and I did not think it was the only way people should feed their baby.  She was a strong willed little lady and decided to stop at 9 months old.  We navigated perfectly and did what was best for both of us.  

     The experience with my second little sweetie was severely different.  In the hospital my lactation consultant told me I was veteran breast feeder and I was doing great. Confidently I thought Aggie and I would fall into a similar rhythm.  However, when my cuddly baby girl was only 3 weeks old we knew something was wrong.  Aggie never seemed satisfied even after my milk had come in.  Experiencing some severe nipple damage from her violent sucking, we took her to the lactation consultant at the predication's office to figure out the problem.  The appointment was extremely enlightening.  They weighed my baby girl then she fed on one side, then they weighed her again and she fed on the other side.  After she was done with both boobs they weighed her one final time.  It seemed like witchcraft and was completely eye opening.  In our case they discovered my lovable little Agatha was getting 4 oz out of me and still needing more.  We started supplementing with formula and my itty bitty 3 weeks old was needing to eat 8 oz of food every 1-2 hours.  This was an immense amount of food for a tiny baby.  The doctors determined that she had an uncommonly high metabolic rate.    

      Breastfeeding my second child was the hardest thing I have ever done.  Literally every 45 mins for thirteen months I had to produce a breast.  All night and all day this adorable little redhead was connected to my teat.  If we did not supplement with formula my tiny Aggie Rose would have been very unhappy.  If we did not supplement with formula this extremely tired momma would have probably not even had the slightest of breaks.  Not to mention I still had a strong willed 2 year old that needed lots of things.  This time of my life stretched me.  I learned how to breastfeed while sleeping.  The lactation consultant told me that this was a necessity.   She explained that I needed to sleep to live.  She was extremely right.  I was breastfeeding while cooking dinner.  I was breastfeeding while sitting on the toilet. I was breastfeeding while trying to eat one handed.  I was breastfeeding while wiping a 2 year old poopy booty. This wee babe that I loved more than life itself was literally sucking the life out of me.  Well Aggie grew up to become a voraciously eating 5 year old who only weighs 30 lbs and she now eats more than most grown adults.  

    For decades there has been a huge debate of Breastfeeding vs. Bottle feeding babies.  We may all have our own opinions and experiences that shape those opinions.  However, there is never a "one size fits all"  answer for children. I am here to tell you that there should be no debate.  Whatever is best for the baby is obviously the right answer.  Most people fail to realize that what is best for the sanity of the Mom is also what is best for the baby.  A Mom knows what is best for her baby.  Not all babies are created equal, why would anyone expect for all Moms to be created equal as well?  Ignore the outside noise and enjoy these sweet little baby times, because toddler madness is coming soon to a theater near you.  

 

A Tired Mess

      

     Last night my husband and I had to seriously tag team our kids.  We had a revolving door of children in and out of the room all night.  My middle child Aggie had ninja crawled into our bed sometime before all hell broke loose.  My littlest Edna is in the process of getting her two year molars.  At 2 a.m. the drugs we gave her at bedtime had worn off so our poor little baby woke up screaming with pain.  It took me almost an hour to get her back to sleep.  The position that finally did the trick was laying in bed, hugging her tight,  and softly singing.  Then at 3:30 a.m. my oldest Audery came in because she had a bad dream.  I really did not want Audery to wake up Eddie so I sent her to my husband's side of the bed.  My husband told her that there was no room in the bed, which was extremely accurate.  Audery ran back to her room crying and feeling scared.  My wonderful husband got out of bed and walked to Audery's room to take care of her intense feelings.  

     Agatha was totally offended by all these actions.  First, Edna had taken her cuddle spot that she had rightfully claimed earlier in the night and now, her second cuddle person had left the bed completely.  She was feeling unloved and alone.  Naturally, Aggie's only course of action was to start crying hysterically.  I whisper screamed to her "Go find your father!"  I had a great fear that her sobs would again wake up her temperamental little sister in pain.  The time was now 4:30 a.m. and all I could hear was a faint commotion coming from the girls rooms down the hall.  Edna and I finally dozed back to sleep and woke alone.  

   It was 8:15 a.m.  Having no idea what happened in the wee hours of the morning between my husband and my other two girls, I finally discovered my husband asleep in Agatha's bed.  Aggie and Audery were both found downstairs on the couch watching their tablets.  Slowly, I crawled into the full size bed and snuggled up next to my sweet spouse and whispered "Holy Cow!  What the heck happened last night?"  We both felt like two twenty somethings that had a bender the night before.  The only difference was our night did not involve alcohol and we did not even leave the house.  Unfortunately we were unable to have a day of recovery like most sleep deprived young adults.  Apparently someone still needs to feed our three demanding children.  

     All parents have had similar nights like this one.  We throw kids in our bed at 4 a.m. hoping and praying to just get a few more hours of sleep.  Just like me and my husband we are all just trying to survive the night.  We are trying to get enough sleep not to die.  We are trying to function like normal humans during the next day.  Was I mad that all my children were in my room last night? No, I want my kids to feel comfortable to come to me all hours of the day and night.  It just happened to be a perfect storm last night.  My littlest was in pain, my middle child was feeling unloved, and my oldest was scared.  My wish is that my kids would reach out to me for any reason no matter the time or place.  When they are teenagers and in emotional pain I want them to find me at 2 a.m.  When they are young adults and feeling unloved I want them to call me at 3 a.m.  When they are grown and have kids of their own and are feeling scared, I want them to come to me at 4 a.m.  The day, the time, or the reason does not matter when it comes to loving my kids.   I want them to always find me because this Mom will always be available for my babies.         

The Mess of Toys Have Legs

     

      Let me unravel for you a chilling tale.  Long after all my precious prodigy have fallen fast asleep, my husband and I fill laundry baskets with toys from our overflowing living room toy box.  In the late hours of the night (usually 9 pm) we use all the strength we can muster to haul the heaping baskets to the dank dark basement.  Slowly we descend each creaky basement stair trying not to let any toys escape our grasp.  As we step into the dark abyss we notice the mine field from toy hauls past.  Promptly we flip on the lights and step over all the obstacles that the unfinished basement has to offer.  Working our way to the play corner, we quickly dump out more toys than 3 little girls should ever have.  This terrifying section in the bowels of the house is filled with toys too big to keep upstairs and anything else we can sneak down.  My husband and I step over a litter of trinkets that our kids have lost interest in, and quickly run to the safety of our newly toy free living room. 

Relaxing into our comfy couch with a deep sigh, we turn on some late night Netflix to relax before ascending the stairs to the bedroom.  All of a sudden, I hear my husband let out a scream of terror.  Slowly out of the corner of my eye I see that his worst fears have come true.  The small living room toy box that was empty only moments earlier is once again overflowing.  All of our efforts have been in vain.  Try as we might the toys have made their way back up to the living room and once again the lid of the cramped box is unable to close.  I echo his scream of horror and bury my face into the strong arms of my handsome husband. Clearly the toys have legs and have clawed their way out of the basement prison we left them in only moments earlier. The toys are reproducing at a massive rate and soon there will be no room for human occupants in this house.  My husband and I find comfort in each other's embrace while we wait for our certain doom.  If you find this letter next to our mangled corpses please know that we died because of the toys.  Please know that our children are to blame and my husband and I fought the good fight til the end.      

     Twice a year I clean out my girls toy boxes.  I fill giant trash bags full of toys that are broken, super gross, or missing pieces. Every time that I do it I am shocked that I am still able to fill more trash bags with toys.  Why do my kids have so many toys?  Where are all these toys coming from?  Why do my kids love playing with all of these many many many toys? 

Unfortunately the answer is that too many people love my little ladies.  Grammie, Pa, Grandpa, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins all love my little devils to pieces.  This means that they love to give them ALL the things.  Every time they get a new stuffed animal and give that animal a hug with the biggest smile on their face, I know they will get more stuffed animals.  Every time they get dress up stuff and pose while asking if they look beautiful, I know they will get more dress up stuff.  Every time they scream with delight over getting something that they have been begging for, I know they will get more whatever they ask for.  If loving my kids means that you get joy when giving them more trinkets and baubles I will deal with the aftermath. 

I understand that seeing the joy from one of my little cuties is like a crack to the people who love them.  Someday when they are older we will not have as many toys because my kids will not find as much joy in them.  Until that day comes my sweet husband and I will continue to carry loads of toys to the basement and use trash bags to clean out toy boxes.  So if you love my kids you can buy them whatever makes you happy and I will try not to get murdered.  Except slime.  Slime is illegal in my house and I will put on a Jason Hockey Mask and stab any person who gives it to my children.  Happy Halloween!!     

My Brave Mess

    On October 13, 2020 a show called Red Table Talk on Facebook released an episode called "Mom Shaming: The New Epidemic."  The video was released about an hour after I experienced a particularly difficult occurrence of mom on mom violence.  I have always thought that mothers should do everything possible to build each other up.  We are all doing the best we can and we should try to recognize that in our fellow mommy warriors. 

     In late 2015 I had a very demanding newborn and a newly 3 year old.  Often I allowed my oldest Audery to pick her own outfit for preschool.  One day we showed up to drop off with Audery wearing an outfit of her own choosing.  It was a princess dress with long sleeves and long pants underneath (for weather reasons), five bracelets, one necklace, and tiara headband.  The small fight for long sleeves and long pants took almost all of my remaining energy for the day and it was 8:30 am.  

    Parents and kids would gather in the hallway outside the preschool room and wait for the teachers to open the doors.  One of the little girls in the hall was exquisitely dressed, her beautiful blonde hair was actually curled with a curling iron. I was super impressed. If I ever tried to curl Audery's hair both of us would end up burned.  That particular day I was just happy to be walking upright and at school on time.  The mom of  the well dressed little girl looked at me with sadness and pity in her eyes and said "I think it is so brave that you let Audery wear whatever she wants everyday.  I could never leave the house with my child looking like that."  I was completely taken aback.  My first reaction was hurt and then I was angry.  Why was she shaming me?  Didn't she understand that I was doing the best I could?  Didn't she see how happy and proud the princess dress and loads of accessories made Audery?  No she did not see any of those things.  Normally I would have reacted in a negative way, but I was taught to "kill them with kindness."  So instead of a throat punch I just smiled and said, "Thank you."  

     As soon as my girls started having opinions about what to wear I decided it was not an argument I wanted to have.  Fashion is a form of individual expression for them.  I didn't know it was "brave" to let my daughters pick out their own clothing.  In my mind I am building confidence and helping to encourage their own self expression.  Yelling at my children to wear certain clothes is not the hill I am going to die.  Battling with my children to be kind people, is a fight I will take on every day.  

    Audery has now become somewhat of a trendsetter at her elementary school.  Last year, in first grade, she started wearing a choker necklace that I used to wear in high school.  By the end of the year all of the girls in her class were wearing choker necklaces.  Now my super confident fashionista second grader decided that she was going to wear scrunchies on her ankle instead of her wrist. I know half of her class has already started copying her behavior.  Last week she started wearing leggings under her jean shorts.  It is only a matter of time before her friends are doing the same all winter.  All my girls need to have as many creative outlets as possible, including what they are wearing.  My style does not have to be their style.  My mother's style is not my style.  We all feel confident in different clothes.

     An amazing pediatrician named Dr. Chrissy Adams gave me the best advice when Audery was two weeks old, that I have tried to live by.  Dr. Adams said "If you are trying to parent for everybody else you will always fail your child."  Truer words have never been spoken to me.  If I try to make my children conform to what other people think I should be doing we will always be miserable.  Therefore, I will choose to be the best mommy to my strong willed girls.  Maybe someday my children will change society norms for the better and make this crazy world a more exceptional place.  Until that day I am going to encourage my three fabulous daughters to march to the beat of their own drum.  I am going to try to support them in all their endeavors and give my little ladies the confidence to change the things in the world that they think need to be changed.  Because I am their momma and I know they can literally do anything! 

Nature is a Beautiful Mess

 

     

     When my first baby was 18 months old she colored on the walls at the top of our stairs with a red crayon.  I marched her to the spot where the crime had occurred and sternly asked "Who wrote on this wall Audery?"  My sweet little chubby girl looked me straight in the eye and said "Daddy."  Shocked, I insisted "Daddy is not even home!  Who wrote on this wall?"  Holding her ground Audery blamed the graffiti on our husky dog, Copper.  After this confrontation I knew I was in trouble.  I had a strong willed daughter and we were hurtling towards the terrible twos at lightning speed.  Completely out of my depth, I lamented to my mom about the situation.  She recommended the book "How to Raise a Strong Willed Child" by Dr. James Dobson.  Quickly I ordered the 25th anniversary edition of the book and started reading.  The forward, which was written by Dr. Dobson, stated that if I was reading this book my mom read this book twenty five years ago.  Hilariously for me that was the truth.  

     Nature has a strong will all its own.  Trees try to get all the light, water, and nutrients for themselves so that they can grow up tall and strong.  The leaves all change colors at different times even if they are the same type of tree.  All plants grow to different sizes even if they were planted in the exact same place and at the exact same time.  There is nothing uniform, clean, or tidy about nature. There is always dirt and leaves covering the ground.  Nature is full of chaotic messy mess.  However, despite all the differences in color and appearance, it is still exquisite beyond our comprehension.  If everything in nature was the same it would not be as beautiful. Without the chaos of nature we would lose a lot of the elegance that comes out in the gorgeous landscapes.

I have been blessed (maybe cursed) with three very strong willed girls.  All of my little independent women have a lot of extreme feelings about different things. Most of the time this makes my life exceptionally more difficult.  My days are filled with putting out fires between my three stubborn little ladies.  I will try my best to mediate the destruction and the tantrums.  However, in the long run they need to learn to handle it themselves.  Every once in a while I will get a small glimpse of their natural beauty that comes from working together.  The messy destruction around them will be intense but the moments of cooperation will be marvelous.  I love these rainbow moments.  

    Most people have no problem looking past the clutter of a nature landscape to focus on the appealing outdoor picture with all its splendor.  My girls playing together is the same. The perceived messiness always makes the loveliness.  The toys on the ground and kids climbing all over everything, will create a beautiful chaos. Sometimes my strong minded girls will be yelling one second and then singing with each the next.  Every time my girls are working something out together it may seem like total mayhem.  There will be yelling, crying, hair pulling, and possibly hitting.  There will also be singing, dancing, hugging, kissing, and happiness.  Someday they will all realize that their strong wills are a super power that can be harnessed to change the world.  Until that day I will enjoy the mess and the natural rainbow moments that come with it.  

Messy Mother Sucker

My five year old was a difficult potty trainer.  Her main problem was pooping as a result of constipation from her high metabolism.  The only successful reward was suckers when she pooped on the potty.  I was standing in the candy isle at Walmart.  My newly 3 years old was safely tucked into the front seat of the cart.  Holding up two of the biggest bags of suckers that I could find, I said "Do you want these poop suckers or these poop suckers?"  After the words came out of my mouth I heard a lady in her late 60s start laughing hysterically walking down the isle behind us.  She touched me on the shoulder and said "That is the funniest thing I've heard in a long time!"  Totally startled I had to remember what I had just said because the term "Poop Sucker" had become such a normal vernacular in our home.

    I love suckers.  They are the cure for everything that troubles my children.  "Oh no!  You lost your favorite toy."  All better with a sucker.  "Oh no!  You had to get shots at the doctor."  Fix it with a sucker.  "Oh no!  Your fish died."  Sucker will make it better.  But seriously how do such small items seem to be the antidote for all of my children's imaginary and real ills.  The only downside is everything about a sucker.

    I hate suckers.  They create a disproportionate amount of mess for such a small sized candy pop.  Suckers will never stay inside of my kids' mouths. Inevitably their little hands will become covered in sticky sucker goo.  As I scream "NO!" their dirty fingers will reach out to slime me.  My kids hair, hands, face, feet, and any other exposed body parts will not be immune to the stickiness.  My sweet little gremlins will smear their gunk all over the car seats and the couch.  God forbid they have the loving urge to hug our sweet husky dog during the sucker eating time. When the reign of the sucker is finally finished everything I own is now covered with sticky mess.  

    In the aftermath of all this sucker turmoil there is a considerable amount of clean up.  A billion wet wipes will be used to rectify the devastation.  In the odd case that I am out of wet wipes, I will grab a massive amount of napkins or paper towels and get them soaking wet.  Then I will proceed to basically give my little darlings a head to toe wet wipe bath.   In hindsight it probably would have been easier to dunk the children into an actual bathtub or spray them off with the outside hose.  The determination is that it always takes longer to clean up than it takes to literally eat the sucker.  Why would I still give suckers to my children?  Why would a sane person purposefully cause this extreme messy situation and make more work for themselves?  For the love of motherhood why would anyone allow everything to get so sticky?  

    The answer is simple...joy.  The amount of joy that all of my kids get from a sucker is totally worth every car seat scrubbing; every couch washing; every extra load of laundry; every time I have to change out of a sticky shirt from a unexpected sucker hug; and every leftover sucker stick found stuck to the carpet.  Behind all those messy sticky moments with suckers is a vast amount of joy for my girls.  The joy that causes them to giggle with delight; or say the sweetest "thank you!" without prompting; or stop all those sad heavy feelings that seem too big for their sweet little bodies; or dry up all those huge tears that were falling from their eyes only a few seconds earlier.  The joy is so much better than all that sticky slimy sucker mess.

 

Messy Pictures

     Welcome to my messy mom story.​  In order to highlight how my life has changed here are two of the most contrasting pictures I could find.  A picture from my wedding and a picture from this morning.

      The first picture was almost 9 years ago.  It took half the day to get ready.  My makeup was professionally done.   My hair was professionally done.   I was wearing a super expensive wedding dress and the most amazing shoes I have ever worn.  Deliriously happy because I was marrying the love of my life and my best friend.  Everything was clean, everything was tidy, and everything was totally put together.  Someone was paid a lot of money to take professional photos to make sure that this amount of effort was documented.  I looked smokin hot.  Everything was perfect.

     The second picture is from 8am this morning.  Everyone had finally been fed breakfast and my 2nd grader was on the bus to school. I am wearing the shirt I slept in with no bra, fuzzy slipper, and a too big cardigan. No time to put any makeup on my face and with my hair quickly pulled up on top of my head, I happily posed for my demanding 5 year old paparazzi with my phone. There are no filters, no cropping, and all the mess is REAL.  I would venture to say that I am equally happy in both pictures.  I am still married to the love of my life and my best friend.  Plus I now have three amazingly beautiful girls.  I still look smokin hot.  Everything is still perfect.

     Both of these pictures show beauty.  Convention dictates that the wedding picture is the beautiful one.  A lot of times the “messy” one seems filled with more love and beauty than the wedding picture to me.   The diapers on the floor are for my last tiny baby butt that needs to be cleaned.  The maraca on the floor is because my 5 year old and my 18 month old decided to have a parade band.  Next year that 5 year old will be in Kindergarten and the band will only have one member.  All of the many toddler toys make my chubby baby girl scream with delight while singing and dancing to silly songs.  Some people might just see messy toys all over the floor but I know the beauty that created this mess. 

     When did it become more important for a house to appear perfect rather than celebrate the giggles in creating the mess?  Why does having toys on the floor mean a house is gross rather than kids that live there are enjoying their childhood?   

     Don’t misunderstand I love a clean house.  Sometimes my amazing husband takes my 3 crazy girls to the park for half a day and I clean like a lunatic.  For a few glorious hours my house looks perfect.  Then my kids walk back into the house and 30 seconds later toys are everywhere, drinks are spilled, and crackers are stepped on.  Instead of getting upset that all that work is for nought I have started to prioritize my children enjoying being children over appearances.   

     Having a messy house is never a bad thing; it should be celebrated.  If you have a messy house it means it is loved by your whole family who lives there.  The more MESS means the more LOVE!  Learn to love the mess, see the beauty behind the chaos, and enjoy the ride.